Completely Overwhelmed

[JustDance]

I was officially diagnosed with GAD back in like, May, or something like that. I did the whole therapy thing, they wanted me to try drugs, but I am trying to do this drug free. Honestly, I haven’t lived a life without it. I have had it my whole life, and no nothing else. I read some posts on here about people remembering “pre-anxiety” lives, that must be nice. I wonder what it’s like?

Basically this is my first post here. Today I told my boyfriend who I have been dating for a month now, that I have GAD. Not telling him that whole month worried me. Thoughts raced through my head: “How he would take it, what would he say, would this be too much? This would be too much, he would leave me for sure.” Though I am sure you all understand. (Which is nice by the way, to talk to people who understand those stupid irrational uncontrollable thoughts, so thanks for reading and understanding). But instead of all those things, he was too good to me, he said “I will just have to make sure I don’t make you anxious”. Oh, he is so good to me.

But now, of course hours later, I still worry. “Is he thinking about it now? What if he re-thinks this whole relationship?” And they go on and on.

It just gets so hard sometimes. To think about everything all the time. And its not just him, its everything. I might have said something to a friend earlier, a five line comment, and now I am re-thinking it. “What if that offended them? I didn’t mean to offend them? They did make an odd face after I said it? What if they are mad at me?”.

Or if someone is late to my house to pick me up: “Maybe they are hurt? Maybe there was an accident? What if they are on the side of the road dead? Oh my god, what would I do if they were dead? I would have to go to their funeral. I can’t believe they are dead!” At which point I start to cry. Half out of being so sad that I have convinced myself they are probably dead and half because I know this is the silliest thing ever, they are probably just in traffic. But I can’t help it, and I cry anyways.

Or I will be sick, and I will start to think its worse then it really is. Now in my mind my head ache has turned to brain cancer, and unless they remove part of my brain I am going to die. At which point I cry. And its ridiculous, I know I do not have brain cancer. But the “what if’s” they have a mind of their own, and they wont get out of my head.

Its just so hard everything going a hundred miles an hour in my head all the time. Things that make no sense, but I think about anyways. And I hate talking about it to people. I feel like I am coming across as being over dramatic, and I have been accused of being a worry wart. I feel like they think I am crazy, or over exaggerating. So I just don’t talk about it to anyone anymore. It doesn’t do any good. But then again that gets lonely.

I don’t know. I guess I am not sure what I am looking for. I just wanted to talk to someone who understands. And doesn’t think I am being over emotional. Because I am not, I am telling the truth of what my everyday life is like. And not to complain, but it can be really rough at times.   

[sixpack]

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly.  And yes it does sound lik you have anxiety.  Many, many of us here have repetitive thoughts.  I'm curious about the "whole therapy thing"?  You were dx'd in May--6 months ago--and you seemed to have scrapped the therapy as something that isn't helpful?  I think a few things regarding this---1) you didn't find the right therapist or the right kind of therapy 2) you didn't believe therapy could help you to begin with or the therapist challenged you and that was uncomfortable 3) you were expecting therapy to be a quick fix.  This is my opinion, of course, but anxiety is not something that fixes itself without a lot of work.  It can be challenging and scary at times.  So, to me, maybe you should have another look at it.  Whether you use meds or not is up to you.  Many folks here do and many don't.  I'm not on meds now.  I did take them after the births of two of my kids and they did help level out the erroneous thoughts brought on then by those lovely hormones.  I have worked through a lot of my anxietal issues.  I know longer fear my physical symptoms but I do still overthink stuff.  And that can take me down the thorny path.  Presently I am not on the thorny path but if I were to get overwhelmed, I would try meds again.  There is no shame in it.  It doesn't mean you are weak if you use them.  They are a tool--a part of the solution that work well for a lot of people.  Again meds are a decision best made between you and a doctor you trust.


Here are some things to help get you on the road. (yeah I"ve posted this before, but it is helpful  )

1. Therapy---meds if you and your doctor feel it is appropriate---everybody is different on this issue.
2. self-help books--lots of good stuff out there these days    Some folks around here, I'm sure will have some suggestions of books.
3.  Exercise---even if you don't want to.  At first you are likely to feel miserable and panicky feelings are likely to bubble up OR rush at you.  It is BEASTY (your anxious overthinking) causing this.  But do it anyway.
4.  Eat a healthy diet.  This helps on all kinds areas of your life.
5.  Forums often have helpful advice.
6.  Hobbies--anything that completely immerses you in it and keeps you occupied.  This helps because eventually you'll get snippets of time when you feel good.  These are teaching moments cuz then you know it is anxiety mucking with you.  After a while those snippets turn to hours then days etc.
7.  Don't pity yourself.  You can have a happy life.   As we experience life, we change.  Having anxiety will impact your life just like all life experiences do.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Even once you are on the road to recovery, you will have a 'new' normal but that doesn't mean you aren't happy and fulfilled.