Narcotics.

[sarey]

I have M.E, so I've been, for the last year, on several narcotics.

I take it for pain...

But also for mental pain.

To escape.

I don't know what to do.

=/

[AnxiouSteve]

I have no experience with addiction and recovery (besides pot), but I noticed no one has responded to your post. 

Have you tried one of those 800 numbers with the trained counselors?

[sarey]

No, not many know, at all, about my other reasons of taking narcotics.

I am now not on any.

I miss them.

[shrublet]

There are other ways, much healthier ways, to escape mental anguish.

[sarey]

Well, not to me.
I have been a self harmer since I was 7, I've got eating disorders, I have alcohol and drug addiction problems, I have overdosed more than 30+ times, I don't cope at all well with my life.

It shows.

I hate my freaking head.

I hate my freaking family.

I hate my freaking health.

I hate this damned life.

Sick of the BS that happens and is happening and is very unlikely to stop happening.
(physical health and mental health and learning problems wise.)

=/

[metalbender00]

defiantly feel you, i  tend to take pain pills to easy my pain.. though its not physical pain. i know its not the answer and i know i will feel like crap for at least 3-4 days after.. but i still do it for the one night of peace inside my own mind.

[sarey]

Well I'm on Tramadol & I take it for physical pain & mental pain too. *sighs* So much crap has happened,m tbh I don't care anymore... great.

[Jlbd5g]

I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my right leg in a farming accident when I was 14.  The pain was unreal.  While in the hospital I was introduced to the love of my life. Morphine. It was my best friend, It took ALL the pain away. I soon found out that with my veins full of it, I did not even have to feel !

It was'nt long that I developed this panic dis-order. At first I was DX'd with PTSD. That brought on many more lovers like Valium, Xanax, Librium, etc. But to get the job done ...none did what my first love could do. So I began my 24yr. active addiction to morphine. I could get it easy at first from Drs. Just tell them my leg was hurting and that is the only thing that worked. I would take it for any pain. Girlfriend problems, money problems, family probroblems, work problems and of course this ever increasing panic thing that seemed to plauge my every sober minute.

I have been in recovery NA, AA for 17 yrs. Been in 10 different treatment centers and to many detox programs to recall. I have managed to put some clean time under my belt over the last 17 yrs. and my life did get better at times. I now have alittle over 4 months clean. This panic thing started showing its ugly head again about a year ago. So with my back against the wall, I had to have relief.

Sometime I do not know what came first, the physical pain or the panic. I know what you're going through.



Thank you for posting this. I needed to see it.


Jerry

[sarey]

um no problem i guess.

&im not sure you know exactly what im going througgh but im glad u can relate to the whole needing narcotics for physical pain & using them aswell toe scape from reality.

[MrSteed]

I understand completely your desire to "escape" with narcotics -- I assume you're talking about opiods.    Most people will have that reaction to them simply because they just make you feel so damn good.   At least at first.   However, if you continue down that path you will eventually find that the opiods can be a VERY harsh teacher.   VERY.

My own personal downfall came when I discovered a very easy way of obtaining opiods.  I won't say what this is because it is too cheap and easy to get.   But what I eventually discovered is that it's probably one of the most addictive forms: worst withdrawals and hardest to kick.    I used this daily for around 3-4 years.  Boy, it sure felt GREAT for a while!   Maybe even for a year or two, but then it began to turn.   And it turned bad -- it began to become a nightmare waking up because the day would always be greeted to withdrawal symptoms and DEEP depression.   

Eventually, I went to see a Dr and I was put on Suboxone which I will most likely need to take for life.  HAVING to take something for your basic survival and sanity is not a picnic.   If there's a positive in my story, it's that I didn't start this when I was younger -- I started doing this when I was around 48-49 (I'm now 54).   The Suboxone has literally saved my life right now, but there's always the fear (as with all opiods) the effect will wear off.   Within the last few months I started experiencing absolutely horrible anxiety attacks (I have a newly found profound respect for others who suffer this) and I attribute directly to a messed up brain chemistry from my opiate use.

My shrink put it pretty well: trying to solve your mental/emotional problems with opiates is like trying to fix a leaking boat with duct tape.   The duct tape quickly loses it's adhesion and you're left with more holes in your boat as time goes on.

Everyone has to make their own decisions and nobody but you can fill your own shoes, but hopefully you'll find something to think about in my own story.