Feelings of Guilt

[phoenixwithin06]

Hi All,

My name is Jessy and this is my first time posting here. I've suffered from generalized anxiety disorder since I was 11, meaning that school was always hell for me. Each day was a struggle to force myself to go, and more often than not I ended up not going at all.

I'm in college now, and while I've improved greatly over the past year due to medication and counseling, I still struggle with my attendance. Today was one such day. I missed class yet again, and I got an email from one of my professors saying that if I don't start attending class more regularly, I won't be successful in passing. Now all I feel is an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame.

No matter how many times people tell me that it isn't something I can control, I still feel responsible for my anxiety. Like if I'd just tried harder, I could've overcome it and gone to school today. I'm beating myself over the head with "should haves" and promising myself that I'll do better next time, all the while terrified that I won't.

I also feel guilty for making people put up with me and all the special "accommodations" that I need. I feel like eventually they're just going to get fed up with me and say "Forget it. You're on your own."

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the guilt?

[tigerpaw]

OK I feel like its 30 years ago and I am having deja vu.    I can so relate to everything you are going through only back then I didn't have meds like today. Can you up your meds?  What is your Dr saying about your continued problems?

I really identify with your pain, I have been there.

Tiger

[phoenixwithin06]

Thanks for the reply, tigerpaw. Honestly, I hadn't thought of upping my meds. The last medication I was on before this one made me a walking zombie, so when I found Lexapro, I was so relieved not to have the same side effects I suppose I've been kind of scared to mess with it. Now that you've mentioned it, though, I think I will ask my doctor about it. Thanks again!

[tigerpaw]

Your welcome and let me know what your Dr says!!!

[BeeBop]

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[phoenixwithin06]

Are the question marks for me or tigerpaw?

[samanth879]

Jessy,

I'm a teacher.  I've had many students who have needed special accommodations - they had anxiety issues, eating disorders, other mental-health concerns, learning disabilities, social problems, general apathy, physical problems, annoying personalities, etc.  The way I see it, every person on the planet - teachers and students included - has some kind of special need - but sometimes, it's just that they're gigantic jerks, and that's the biggest (and most common) disability there is!

They all (and you) deserve care and reasonable accommodations from their other teachers and me.

I don't imagine any of your professors resents making these accommodations for you, and if they do, they're jerks. 

Think of it as - they're doing what needs to be done to teach you, which is absolutely part of their job description.  Nothing to feel guilty about.   

[phoenixwithin06]

Thank you so much for your reply! I'd hug you right now if I could, as you not only managed to make me laugh, you really helped me see things in a new light as well. I've never had a teacher's point of view on this before, so you're quite the godsend.

Thanks again!

Jessy