PTSD and many other thing

[Niyah]

I'm middle aged and still suffering terribly with a range of things - PTSD, depression, panic attacks, sleeplessness and GAD. Since my teens I go in and out of these crises, but at the moment I have been set off by PTSD about one of my children who is self-harming horribly. When the crisis is occurring, I go into a zombie-zone and just do what I need to do to manage, be supportive and get help for him - but then I find in the weeks and months afterwards I start to suffer recurrent horrible thoughts about it all, huge anxiety, sleeplessness and severe depression, even though he has help and is improving.

I finally got up the guts to go back to a psychiatrist last week. You may wonder what that's so hard for me. Because I'm middle aged, I come from a world where, when I was young, seeing a psych (at least in this country) was akin to admitting you had been bankrupt or in gaol. Although I have tried twice before, I never clicked with either.

This time, however, I have found a real sweetie and hope she will be able to help me unravel all the things that contribute - the emotional and verbal abuse of my childhood which still haunts me today, and the terrible anxiety that plagues me. But... what to do about the PTSD? I am so sick of seeing blood and other ghastly, unmentionable mess, and even though it is mostly over, those images are just burned in my brain. It is just so hard when someone you love so much does this to themselves. Some days I'll just start crying in the middle of nowhere because of the thoughts that come, usually when driving. I'm swapping medications at the moment and on a small dose of Lexapro till the previous drugs leave my system, and Valium to help me through the day (and night). But - I have to keep up a busy job and keep smiling, which makes it really hard. My husband is a real sweetie too, but he is so level emotionally and doesn't suffer from anything like this, it's hard for him to totally relate. He supports when he can - but he too has a very busy job and many demands on his time. I wish the world would just stop and let me off for a while, but financial pressures and many other things mean I just have to keep going - somehow.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I have fractured relationships with many in my family, few friends. So sometimes life just plain sucks. But the world keeps turning and something I keep bumbling along with it. Anyway, if anyone out there has a self-harming child, would love to hear from you.