Hi everyone!
I found this forum by searching for anxiety and panic disorder related forums. Searching out forums like this was very helpful because the worst feeling I get from having this disorder is that I'm alone, crazy, and different than everyone else. In summary, my main problem is the fear of getting sick/passing out in front of others, which leads to anxiety and panic attacks, especially in school.
Here's a little background:
I've had anxiety related issues for about 10 years now. It all started after an incident I had in 6th grade. I was at a birthday party with a bunch of friends. After a couple hours of ice skating, we had sat down to eat some pizza and cake. A little background - I have a big fear of needles/shots. Well, one of the kids was diabetic and suddenly took out a syringe and gave himself a shot in the stomach without. a shot in the stomach without any warning. I got dizzy, passed out and fell out of my chair - nearly getting a concussion. The people at the rink called 911 and I had to lay there with everyone staring at me for over an hour until my parents came to pick me up. It was, to this day, the most traumatic experience of my life. I can still vividly remember it all. However, after a couple days, I was relatively back to normal... though I was slightly more anxious in different situations more than I used to be.
Flash forward to eigth grade to when my problems exponentially increased. I was out for a week of school with a sinus infection. The day I went back in I started feeling sick and got extremely anxious.. I believe now that this was my first panic attack. I called my parents and got picked up and went home. Each successive day I tried to go back into school and couldnt do it, constantly in fear of everything and nothing at the same time... meaning I really didn't know what I was afraid of. My parents took me to a therapist who ended up doing more damage. She called my school principle without telling myself or my parents and told him that I was basically faking it. The next day the school principle called my parents and myself in for a meeting and said I either stayed at school or would be expelled. I looked to my dad in tears and told him I couldnt stay. Fortunately, I was able to get a note from my regular doctor saying I had a problem and was able to switch to homeschooling to finish out the year.
I spent my first year of high school getting homeschooled. I quickly began to miss the whole school experience and for my second semester I signed up for one class at my local high school. I was able to go in and stay the whole time with relatively little anxiety. This built up my confidence enough to try and enrolling back in school full time the next fall. I went to school the first day and didnt have any problems. In fact, I didnt have any problem with anxiety or panic attacks for years. Unfortunately, right before a big test at the end of my senior year, I got a panic attack. I had to leave and go home and make up the test at a later date. I made it through the last week of school but had constant anxiety the entire time. However, after the summer away from school, I was able to get myself back together and start college. It was a huge change from me - I'm from Colorado, I went to school in Oklahoma - but I was able to pull it off.
I could go through another couple of anxiety cycles but I think you all know how it works. I go for weeks, perhaps months, without any anxiety but then fall back into it. Recently, it seems to have been getting worse. I'm anxious and have panic attacks more often than not. I'm able to get through classes and most of my normal activities but I feel like anxiety is starting to consume my life. The fact I've made it this far is what gives me the strength to keep going. I just dont know how much longer that strength is going to be enough though.
Recently, Ive had trouble staying in class without being in a constant state of panic. The fact I enjoy school (when I'm not upset) and being with others in a school setting has also kept me from just quitting. Ironically, it seems that the source of most of my anxiety is something I love and don't want to leave. I have problems at things like sporting events and other gatherings, but its school that causes the largest problem.I feel like I can't leave during class (sometimes you really cant), and this is especially true during tests. At a movie, lunch, or even my jobs I know I can just leave if i need to take a few minutes. I can't do that in school though and as mentioned that causes the most trouble.
Well, that's about it. Seeing that I'm not alone has been a huge help. As I mentioned at the top of my post, I always just though I was crazy and alone. However, I've read some testimonials here and they sound like they could be the script for my own problems.
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Topic: New to the forum (Read 350 times)
July 05, 2010, 01:45:42 PM
