Anyone here DID?

[Thorne]

Somewhere in DID land....   
Not MPD, but awful dissociative from time to time.  not currently in therapy, and not on DID meds (only on Zoloft for depression, panic and ptsd).  Just seeking some common experience, perhaps??

[gloomy]

Can you explain a bit further would like to discuss with you

[apple]

I looked this up and understand it to be a disassociative Disorder.  Am I correct?  Have you been diagnosed?  I believe you stumbled on this site for a reason.  Anxiety and panic are symptoms of this.  How are you coping?  Do the journals help?

We would love to be here for you as you make your way thru this.  Sorry I dont have DID.  I have just been diagnosed as bipolar and on a new meds regime.  I also have GAD and Panic.

Looking forward to seeing you thru. 

[Thorne]

Hi.  Thanks for the welcome.
I haven't been dignosed with this one!  *s*  It does (or used to?) fall under the DID classification...I've been doing some more reading and now I'm not so sure.  I think what I experience is "Depersonalization Disorder".  I hadn't really pursued treatment, or even working on it directly myself  since May, 1999, after being diagnosed with PTSD, Panic Disorder, depression and ocd.  I've been taking Zoloft since then, and the synapses firing like they should has allowed me to process and move forward in my life significantly.  I recently noticed old feelings of what I now understand to be defined as "depersonalization" recurring.  I get this very erroneous feeling of not being present, of detatchment from myself, whoever I'm interacting with...reality; combined with either extreme irritation or total ambivalence.  When I was younger I blew it off as existential angst!! It used to be very frightening, but it's been happening to me since I was a child, and I suppose I've learned to function with it.
What's happening now is primarily twofold.
1:
I just noticed that I experience this regularly when dealing with (talking to-interacting with) my mother.  I'm 45 years old and I care for my 88 year old Grandmother with senile dementia.  We live on the family ranch, whene my mom, schzotypal, paranoid, bi-polar, borderline (diagnosed at one time or another with all of these, but basically untreated), lives next door.
It is one of my life choices to be here (physically), and to do the best I can to live with/care for her, too.  But lately my detatchment and dissociation has become worse and worse, until sometimes I feel I'm not even there.  It's very hard to describe.
2:
I have always journalled periodically, if not always regularly.  I recently decided to combine my various journals int one cohesive, cronology.  Hah!  I discovered discrepancies in entries that are mind boggling!  But unlike MPD, I remember them and the experiences that elicited the entries, but am detatched from the feelings expressed.

So....here I am.  (I also have this seasonal thing where I tend to do my "inner" work during the fall and winter.  I tend to journal more then, meditate and study more during the winter months.  I don't think it's SAD, I'm not "depressed", just physically, mentally and psychicly attuned to the seasons. IE spring = new beginnings, planting, starting projects; summer for going, doing, being outdoors and gardening; fall I begin to turn inward-house, home and psyche!)

[apple]

Sounds like you had no hope in not having some form of disorder.  Same with me.  Is it your plan to cope on your own?  I found I had to get help from therapists and doctors and meds.  I am actually starting to lead a relatively normal life. 

Whatever way you wish to work thru this I'll be here for you when you need a friend to talk to.   

[Thorne]

Thanks, Apple.
You know, I've come to the point in my life at 45, where the thought of working with a new therapist exhausts me.  I don't know how old you are, or how much therapy you've had, but if your young life was as dysfunctional as mine, you'll appreciate how difficult it is to "break in" a new therapist!!  *LOL*  It has been my experience that it's very difficult for many therapists, (being, of course, only human), to assimilate my life experience without making erroneous assumptions about my level of process/functionality.  It can be a long process to have a therapist get to know me well enough to even begin treatment of the current issue.  I admit, I'm just not up to it.  My favorite therapist has retired and we've remained friends.  We chat occasionally, and although we have agreed that she no longer "treats" me, I am still able to pick her professional brain (an incredible woman!!  I adore her), at will. 
I'm very happy with my medication, Zoloft, and have been since '99.  I've heard things about Cymbalta that have me considering a change (It may be better for my Fibro Myalgia, along with the brain chemical imbalance). 
Also, I live on 40 acres in the High Desert of So. Cali.  We're 7 miles from a tiny town we call "the corner" and 30 miles from the nearest real town with medical, shopping, etc.  It's alot of hassle! 
I've done so much therapy, group, support programs, etc., that I have a pretty good handle on how to process through stuff, and am sure that I will be able to recognize if I were to reach a point where I were unable to process.
I appreciate the support here, and am also hoping to connect with someone with similar episodes of depersonalization and detatchment, and perhaps share coping tools.
Further, I have found that giving support is as important to my personal recovery as receiving it, and hope that my experience, strength and hope (as we say in the 12 step program) will be helpful to others.
The good news:
I haven't had a single panic attack in over a year, and for the 2 years before that, I only had 1 or 2 a year (usually precipitated by too much coffee or stress or both!! *L*).
I am content with my life overall, happy the greter percentage of the time, and still head over heels in love with my partner!!  I do have a full life (sometimes too full!  With Grama, mom, a pregnant 27 year old daughter [yippee!  I'm gonna be a Grandma, again!!], 9 rescued parrots and cockatoos, 2 ferrets, 3 dogs and 2 cats to care for.  Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming, and I'm thinking that might have alot to do with the increasing episodes. 
Anyway, I could ramble on forever, but today I have an exciting tattoo art project I'm working on, and am meeting with a client, soon.  (I'm a tattoo artist, among other things. *s*)
Thanks again, for being here!

[apple]

Glad to see you so positive.  I do understand about therapists.lol  Keep fighting!  glad your doing well.

[GMan86]

I'm happy to hear things are looking up for you 

[jinky]

I know this thread is 3 months old now, but I've only just joined this site and wanted to put in my 2 cents.  I get depersonalisation.  I have been diagnosed with anxiety and PA with agoraphobia.  Depersonalisation (I call it d/p) is my longest standing symptom and the hardest to budge.  I feel like I've had a few drinks, or that I am in a bubble or my head is in a fog.  I get it when I am driving, when at work, shopping anywhere and everywhere.  The only way I have been able to get rid of it is by going home.  Sitting at home I am fine, then when I leave the house it descends on me and most of the time I just can't shake it.  Its a weird symptom, along with being hard to describe, my therapists and doctors haven't been able to effectively treat it. I have read elsewhere on line that the best way to treat it is to ignore it and not feed it your anxiety.  Hasn't worked for me yet.

All the best

[gloomy]

Just like to say the first time I experienced depersonalization it was really distressing I had no idea what was happening to me and really thought I was going insane.  I realise now that I have to be extrememly anxious for it to happen thats my trigger, its just so wierd when everyones voices seem so loud and its as though I am in a wierd nightmare.