How to tell the other half?

[robw]

Howdy everyone.

I've suffered with sleeping problems and fears for a good 6 or 7 years now. Sleeping problems are caused by fears, which are mostly death-related, and for this reason, I'm very much a night person - I stay up until I fall asleep. There are several other small things wrong but i've learned how to deal with them over time, even if it does turn me into a bit of a weirdo at times. But yup, that's just a little background information.

Anyway, what's probably a mistake is that I've never told anyone about this, including family and friends, as I rarely suffer panic attacks and generally I've got used to just coping with it all, which is good, and I'm not as bothered as I used to be. It's likely I'm a minor case compared to many, but still, we're all in the same boat right?

The one thing that's never gone away is sleeping problems. This summer it's gotten bad again, to the point where I'm staying up until sunrise because I don't want to sleep in the dark, watch dvd's until I physically can't stay awake, etc. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years and we're very happy together, and largely, I don't suffer from the fear as much when she's around. I still live with my parents (crappy english unemployment rate,) but when she stops over I can easily sleep before 12am and the thought doesn't even cross my mind sometimes.

So you ask, why don't I just tell her? Well, a few things. As I say, I've never told anyone, so I simply havn't made the plunge yet, and doing so seems daunting. Not only this but one of her best friends has just found out he's got something wrong with his health. Not sure what it is because I don't want to impose, but I've been supportive when she needs to go and talk to him. Because of this, I just don't want to add to her responsibility, because she's got enough worries at the moment. More than anything I just don't want to burden her, if you get me? Not only this, but I just don't want people to really know. I just push on with it, and I don't want the attention of "oh my god i never knew" and all that waffle from people whom I'd rather keep it secret from.

So i'm just wondering, would telling her be a good idea, and how should I go about it without worrying her too much? How did you lot do it?

Cheers!

[darkeye]

I think if/when you tell her is totally up to you. There is no set rules on things like this. I tend to tell people my problems before we even start or considering starting in a relationship. But like i say it depends on you, and your girlfriend and the situation. If you have been together 3 1/2 years then you are probably strong enough to get through you telling her, but only you know the situation and yourselfs well enough to decide that. However i don't think that secrets are healthy, it is obviously playing on your mind, else you wouldn't have written the post. It is difficult to explain to anyone that hasn't gone through these problems what it is like.... i know it is slightly different. But when i told my family, i printed off some information sheets from support groups and gave them to my family to read, to help them understand.
Sorry this probably hasn't been much help, but, Good luck, i hope everything goes well for you
Take Care D x