"i'm sick of being single"

[tmicrowave]

heres an article i wanted to share
i've been looking for one like this for awhile!
because i'm single, and i know i'm not ready for another relationship. i want a good relationship with myself
and i think a lot of people skip that part and try to go straight into a relationship, or from one to another
Anyway i've been guilty of it. but at this point in my life i know better
i'm single and proud of it!
and i want to love myself as much as i used to
last relationship wasnt so good

but anyway this is this:

When someone says that they’re sick and tired of being single, what they’re really saying is that they’re miserable within and of themselves and they think that having a partner will change that. But they couldn’t be further from the truth. A person who feels this way is emotionally, psychologically and spiritually incomplete. Trying to engage in an intimate relationship while being incomplete in this fashion typically yields a relationship that’s fairly dysfunctional once they euphoric high of its newness wears off.

A person who’s emotionally, psychologically and spiritually incomplete is a good description of a person who lacks self-love, self-respect and self-esteem. Self-respect and self-esteem seem to be relatively understood by most people, but many people don’t seem to understand what self-love is. When you look up self-love on dictionary.com, it defines it as Narcissism. But from a spiritual point of view, self-love and narcissism are two very different things.

I believe that self-love is a subcomponent to both self-respect and self-esteem. Self-esteem is briefly defined as one’s overall appraisal of their own worth. Self-respect is briefly defined as a measurement of the combination of one’s dignity and self-esteem. But defining self-love can be too complicated to briefly define.

When I think of self-love on a fundamental level, I think of two words; Balance and Harmony. Balance reflects a healthy state of emotional, psychological and spiritual completeness. Harmony reflects a peaceful and transcending fabric of connection between our emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual capacities. The transcending aspect reflects growth and evolution. It’s the lack of this encompassment of balance and harmony that makes one miserable within and of themselves.

Emotional incompleteness is painful. This can be the result of unhealed wounds or emotional scarring that stagnates their emotional recovery process. This is commonly called emotional baggage and people who carry it typically live in denial of it.

Psychological incompleteness is like a state of confusion. Reflecting on my own experiences, this is when an individual is unable to discern exactly what their crisis is or how this crisis has come upon them. Iyanla Vanzant’s book “The value in the valley” is the best source of knowledge that I’m personally aware of that explains how to understand such situations.

Spiritual incompleteness is when an individual has become partially or fully emotionally and psychologically disconnected from their god-self. Our god-self is our unlimited source of knowledge, wisdom, energy and love that can only be reached through our universal plug. Our universal plug is unique and is located at the very heart of our spiritual essence. One must posses the capacity of deep inward insight and connectivity to become one with their spiritual essence. A common method of achieving this is through meditation.

When an individual who lacks self-love tries to engage in an intimate relationship, they have nothing to offer other than superficial physical gratification. Picture a glass within you. The glass itself represents your self-love. The space within the glass is reserved for the energies of pure love.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s suppose that the glass within a woman who has a healthy degree of self-love is full. Let’s also suppose that the glass within a man who lacks self-love is badly cracked and is empty. Now let’s suppose the two have engaged in an intimate relationship with each other.

As the relationship ensues, the woman shares her capacity for love with him. However, since his glass is empty and cracked, her loving energies spill into his glass and then slowly leak out through the cracks. Because his glass is cracked and cannot maintain her loving energies, he has nothing to share in return for her. So not only does he continue to lack loving energies within his glass, he’s also depleted her of all her loving energies from her glass as well. Since they’re both now drained of any loving energies, they both now lack self-love.

When an individual is miserable within and of themselves and is expressing that they’re tired of being single, they need to realize that they need to stay single while they feel this way. In staying single, they must put forth a genuine effort to acknowledge their incomplete nature and work towards healing their inner wounds. Successful healing brings forth the required growth, evolution and completeness that one must possess if they’re to experience a healthy intimate relationship with another person.

If you’re not happy and content with being alone and single, then you’re very likely not going to be happy or content in a relationship either and you’ll eventually make your partner just as miserable as you.

[charlie1]

I agree with what you say on a philosophical level, but struggle in reality to achieve it. Take for instance, the concept of building self-esteem, confidence, etc, - to me, it all seems so forced and unnatural, because if a persons confidence is shot for whatever reason I don't see how it can really be rebuilt in isolation without another person as we're communal and social creatures that rely on the fedback of others to justify our lives and purpose to a great extent. By giving and receiving love, people grow and evolve spiritually in ways that aren't possible in isolation. I find the same problem with positive thinking, as it seems semi delusional to me for a person to refute the evidence of their own eyes and experience and believe that if they can only think or focus clearly enough on a particular goal or desire that it can be attained. I guess that it's more constructive to think as you do but I wonder also if by building your hopes up that it can ultimately lead to greater disappointment in the long run when experience over time shows that nothing much changes. I said in some other post that I was surprised how many people struggling with anxiety issues using this forum are in relationships but I reckon your analogy about full and empty glasses could explain it, as possibly one person will play the rescuer/persecutor and the other the victim and they collude with each other to keep themselves where they are emotionally as it sometimes is easier to deal with what you're used to rather than face the fear of starting anew with someone else and potentially going through exactly the same issues again at a later date

[tmicrowave]

well I was complete before I ever met a guy and I used to have a ball by myself
and If I don't refill myself I'll have nothing to give anybody else that's how I feel
you we're born with love for yourself
my parents we're never very loving, well I only had one and she hardly existed
so I had to make it for myself, and maybe hard times have made things like that easier for me
I don't know really

I was in a bad relationship and I have to love myself first before i go into another relationship or i'll have nothing to give
if i just tried to get it from anyone else right now it'd be unhealthy and probably ultimately a disaster i feel like

personally for me I think I  NEED to be in isolation to rebuild my self-esteem because If I can't stand myself for awhile then how will anybody else?

i guess the reason i posted this is cuz most people think about things the way your saying them and i just wanted to give the different perspective
and it'd be nice if more people believed they cold be alone and happy
because I know that it's very possible
I almost feel like when I've been alone in the past i've been filled with more love, because I could just love everything and everybody and there was no restrictions. and restrictions seem unnatural and forced to me

but i duno just throwing out a different point of view with this post
and figure it will help people think about maybe they don't need other people for happiness

[charlie1]

tmicrowave, I hope you don't think I was being horrible to you or anything as your second post sounded sad. I was only speaking from my experience and agree with a lot of your sentiments, and that it's probably impossible to be loved by someone else if you don't love yourself. My greatest happiness has come from the delusion of love, and my greatest sadness from the delusion of loss. I like your signature stuff about hearts and souls. Are you an aquarian?

[tmicrowave]

oh k cool i think we understand each other now!

thanks

i'm actually a scorpio
and i am really into astrology!

what sign are you?

[charlie1]

I'm a Virgo sun, gemini moon and scorpio rising. I think astrology is an incredible tool for understanding yourself and others, and even though most people that I know think it's rubbish it still seems to work as all my close friends seem to have close mars, venus, sun and moon links to my chart. I think it helps to explain my troubles with anxiety as I have difficult links to saturn, which is a planet of restriction, limit and learning. If I went with the flow of my chart and didn't allow myself to feel self pity I'd perhaps do a lot better with my lifes challenges. The negative of astrology for me is that I have a difficulty with the pre-destination thing, which suggests that people can't change things and have to live out their destiny to balance their karma. I do struggle to relate or get on with people that have a lot of fire (aries, leo and sagitarrius) in their chart as I find them usually a bit to overpowering, but that's probably because I'm subconsciously scared of whatever it is that they're supposed to be teaching me

[tmicrowave]

cool i love virgos my best friend is a virgo
my moon is cancer
and i dont know my rising

i do think its an incredible tool for understanding yourself and others

people write it off because they dont know what it is or how it works

i really do think we control like
where we go when we die.
well
i've been reading up on near death experiences, death and hell, and consciousness and stuff
i have this site

http://www.near-death.com/index.html

i think we're here on earth to grow and mature spiritually
and we have control over how we do that, or weather we do that? i guess
hell i duno. its pretty interesting. being a scorpio, i'm always seeking how hidden stuff and looking deep into things!

[charlie1]

I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't aquarius rising as you come across as quite a humanitarian, free and independent person from how you write. Astrology.com, and astrodienst.com have a number of free sites that plot charts and tell all your planetary placements and aspects both for your natal chart and transits and progressions which are very powerful life indicators. Or I could plot your chart and tell you, if you know your date, time and place of birth. Scorpios generally are preoccupied with sex and death, and make great detectives but are usually quite secretive. Scorpio behaviour can fluctuate from extremes of great promiscuity or monk like celibate behaviour depending how they react to hurts and losses in their lifes journey. You say that you have a cancer moon which would make you very deep feeling and water dominated so hopefully you do have an air sign rising or fire to give you a break from all your emotions. Where do you think we go when we die?

[tmicrowave]

thats definetly a good description of a scorpio
my emotions go soo deep
thats the cause for some of my anxiety i think, because if i supress ANYTHING i'm a wreck
i have to have some way to let it out

i have some sites that will give me a birth chart but im not sure of my TIME of birth. my birth certificate doesnt say. my mom says 8 a.m. but i think she just made that up. buut uh

i duno about death. i think its just a shift from this into another kind of reality
i've heard a lot of stories where people go to beautiful places that they can't describe. theyre aware of other beings and theyre full up with indescribable love
thats from near death experiences
some people had near death experiences and went to lonely places too.

but all in all i have no idea, i've never died
i'd like to think i've been a good person and i'll get to see what i've learned and i duno. be free!

i've been deep into my emotions and meditation in the past. i was isolated for a long time when i was younger by choice and i felt a lot of love and something that i could describe as god. if i wanted to
love is god to me i guess
everything is
it's like theres no way to describe anything that i know or think
i rarely have conversations like this with people

but its so refreshing when people get what im saying.

i'm 19
what about you?
i could add you on a 0372 if you wanna talk sometime or something

[tmicrowave]

i just checked
and if i was born at 8 in the morning like my mom said
my rising sign IS aquarius!
haha
if thats true, wow you're good ! haha

feels cool to know i mite have some aquarius in me lol

[charlie1]

I didn't realise that you were so young but it's interesting talking to you, so add me to your 0372 if you wish to. I'm 45 and my profile says how I've ended up a neurotic. I've got saturn in virgo until october 2009 so I'm hoping things will improve for me thereafter, but it goes retrograde for a bit so I might still have a hassle for a bit till april 2010. If you're born at 8am you could be capricorn rising but I'm not sure cos of the time correction to convert to greenwich mean time. If you're concerned and worried about monetary issues or appearance, or the need to own property, then that might suggest a capricorn rising.

[tmicrowave]

hm well. this birth chart said aquarius for 8 a.m. i think.
i have been thinking of my appearance lately
capricorn huh
duno!

yeah im kinda young but
i just get along with all people all ages
i come here a lot and chat i don't have many friends
older people are better!

i'll check out your profile sometime here.

[charlie1]

I wasn't saying you're young in a patronising way, as you seem to know loads about all sorts of things from the posts I've read of yours.  When a capricorn worries about appearance it's to do with looking smart and pefect in their clothes, perfect make-up, hair, jewellry, etc, and not necessarily that they're concerned about being overweight, underweight, spotty,or whatever. Also money would be a significant thing to them. If you've had a chart plotted then they'd be right that you're aquarius rising. Though capricorns, or saturn influenced people, do have a tendency to have a lot of quite older or quite younger friends. I've got many young friends that I play golf with and many older friends that I used to work as a nurse with. My e-mail address is on my profile as well

[MidnightGambler]

I partly agree, but not close to totally.  Wanting to be in a happy relationship is something that a vast majority of people want, whether they are happy with themselves or not.  ALso you can really only be happy on your own for a certain length of time before you just get pulled down due to not enough social interaction.  It's not really healthy.  Just as it is not healthy to be in a relationship with the wrong person due to being sick of being single.

[BraveBrian]

I agree with the article. A lot of people are longing for relationships out of wrong reasons. The most important thing is that you love yourself and have self-esteem without being in a relationship. If these factors depend on a relationship, you will have big problems after a break up. I was in this situation myself and felt very bad after the separation and then I realized that I have to learn to love myself again. I tried to find a partner online very soon after the separation and after a few weeks it was clear to me that I just wasn't used to living alone and that's why I was looking for a new girlfriend immediately.

[Peter]

Being ok with yourself IS essential. Not HAVING to be with someone else or expecting someone else to make you happy.
But this doesn't mean to be isolated. It means having friends without needing 'someone special'. Socialising and enjoying YOUR life. But being strong enough to go home alone.

I know how hard this all is. I went through hell. No sleep, tears, erratic behaviour. I stood in the middle of my local town on a Friday night, surrounded by people enjoying life. I stood alone, and went home alone. I did it for weeks.

Each of us has to find OUR way, but we have to find ourselves before we can look for others. It's not fair to anyone we find along the way.
I wasn't looking when I found my 'someone special'.

[Warbirdwf]

"I complete ME!!"


Sorry, couldn't help myself!!

[tmicrowave]

yeah i think alone time between relationships can be a pretty crucial thing
may be painful
but it's about self love
and i'm still working on that myself