phone phobia

[sheknits]

Does anyone else avoid the phone like the plague?

I hate answering it and more than that i hate calling people.

I usually get sweaty and red when i have to make a phone call to someone and my heart pounds. And then after i hang up i have to like "recover" from having to make a phone call.

I have become dependent on text messaging and email, but its not always the most reliable form of communication. How frustrating! 

[suz]

Hi! you are not alone!! I have that too, as does my DAD...  If I had to order pizza over the phone or starve.....I might have to starve.  I most certainly would if it was a tense stressful day...I never call anyone but my sister and my parents.  In the rare event I HAVE to call someone else, it is as you described, and more excruciating (I imagine) than having my finger nails removed with pliers!!  And I thought it was just my Dad and I!

[Barb M]

I never call anyone but my hubby on his cell, and I never answer the phone. we have an answering macheine but my husband calls people back , not me. Unless it's my husband, I never talk on the phone. I have not always been so bad with it, but I always hated the phone. I love e-mail though :)

~Barb

[feline42]

I have phone phobia & have since I was a child. I didn't realize that other people have this exact same fear! It has caused me problems on jobs, since I put off phone calls or don't make them at all and then have to try and cover my tracks somehow.

I think it's okay to try to not take jobs that involve much phone work, but sometimes it can't be avoided. I just took a job that I didn't think would involve phones and now find that it will involve some phone calls. ANY phone calls are a problem for me.

The things they are training me on first is the yucky things that require phone calls! I will probably have to be making phone calls all day tomorrow!!!  I am just sick.

I get short of breath, get a red face and blotches on face and neck. My hands will shake, mouth gets dry.

Even when the phone rings at home, I avoid answering it if at all possible if someone else is home.

I also dread going to work every day --- even when it's a job I like. I think it's a fear of being in public.

[infpgirl]

I have the same problem. Right now I'm supposed to make at least 20 phone calls and my stomach is in knots. I just keep staring at the list and not budging. I don't know what it is that's stopping me. It may have to do with the fact that I don't like dealing with people in general. E-mail and instant messaging are great for me but I can't use that all th time. No one around me understands why I don't call enough or why I am always on the net. One day my dh came home and the phone rang and I just sat there with no intention of answering it. He looked at his friend and said, "see" she just won't answer it. Maybe, if I mention that I have a phone phobia, they might be more sympathetic or they'll just call me weird.

[NightOwl]

I am dating someone long distance and I hate the phone so abd and it is messing up any chance of it working out, I bet.    I wish I liked it.  I even feel weird talking to relatives on it.  I just always have hated the phone.

[pinky5]

I too have avoided the phone like the plague in the past. I was just posting about this on a different thread a few days ago.

I think it has to do with anxiety sufferers not being good at setting boundaries and not being able to assertively and calmly stand up for themselves. The phone rings, you jump, your mind starts thinking about all the people it could possibly be and how you don't know how to deal with them. Whatever the situation is, you don't want to deal with it. You are afraid that they are going to ask you to do something that you don't want to do or they are going to impose on you somehow and you're not going to be able to say no.  Your stomach churns and you wait for the answering machine to pick up so you can hear who it is and what they want. It is so much easier to just let them leave a message.

Or if you have to make a call. You think about the calls you need to make, and start to get nervous about all the things that you could possibly say wrong and how embarrassed you'll be.

This all has to do with the fact that anxiety sufferers don't usually find it very easy to calmly and assertively stand up for themselves. We all know people who don't seem to get nervous, no matter what the situation is. This is because they feel confident in their ability to set boundaries for themselves with other people. For some reason, those with anxiety seem to be lacking this skill. It really is a learned behavior and you can make huge improvements in this area.

For me I learned about this when I did an anxiety/depression program and I got to the part about assertive verses aggressive behavior. This really got my attention, because I was always able to tell someone to #$0213% off, but couldn't just calmly tell someone that what they had done or said to me wasn't OK. I had always dealt with situations that made me uncomfortable by never talking to that person, or some other extreme solution. So I started practicing standing up for myself. At first it was really hard. It's much harder to stay in a situation and deal with it than it is to just run and hide. I practiced saying things like:

I don't like what you just said to me because.....
What you just did isn't OK with me because.....
I'm sorry I can't help you with that right now ..........
I'm sorry, I can't talk right now.......
I'm going to have to hang up right now and call you back later because....

These things are really hard to say at first, but if you keep at it you will notice that soon you feel much calmer than you did about talking with people in person and talking on the phone. You won't be nervous to answer the phone, because you feel confident that you can set your boundaries with people. You don't have to worry in advance about dealing with situations because you know you can deal with situations as they happen. I don't feel nervous answering the phone at all anymore and I used to call screen always. Hope this helps.

Rachel     

[NightOwl]

I just feel.... I dont know.  I am not sure WHAT bugs me about the phone.  I honestly think I would feel less anxiety MEETING strangers than talking on the phone.  Maybe even more than talking on the phone to people I already KNOW.

Some girl told me that she read in some magazine that a huge % of guys can't stand the phone though, so i assume I am not alone.  It's just.... not as real and also 1.  they will call at the WORST times, 2. if I am expecting a call, I cant even do anything around the house because I fear being interrupted when trying to relax and eat, for example.  3.  It's hard to "connect".  Timing is bad when you can't see face to face.  And you can't really take hints from the other (or they from you) that something they are doing is causing you to be uncomfortable.

[Moonstruck]

I honestly can't tell you how extremely relieved I was when I came across this thread.
I hate phones. Hate them, hate them, hate them. I always have, for as long as I can remember. I screen all my calls and never call people. Or if I DO call people, I need them to tell me an exact time for me to do so. I keep thinking that I'll call at a bad time or I'll call too late or too early...or someone else will pick up the phone. I can't stand that -- when I call someone and someone else picks up the phone and I have to ask for the person I'm looking for. It'll usually take me a few tries to actually get myself to dial a number. Whether I'm ordering a pizza or calling my best friend.

I'm entirely dependent on email and instant messaging now. I constantly keep my computer on and AIM open, because that's really the only guaranteed method of contacting me. My friends keep telling me to call them and no one understand when I tell them that I'd rather just talk in person or online. That's another thing I really hate about this whole damn phone phobia thing...not many people "get" it. You'll try to explain and they'll either think you're weird or they'll think you're lying and that you just don't want to talk to them and/or they'll get angry with you. At least, that's what happens with me.

Recently, though, the whole phone thing has really been taking a toll on me... For example, I'm 18 now and I still don't have a liscence. Know why I don't have my liscence? Because I haven't been to driving school. Know why I haven't been to driving school? Because I can never bring myself to call. Actually, I've actually done it a few times, but no one's ever there! Every damn time I call, no one's ever there to pick up...and I'm petrified of leaving a message. I don't know what to say, what to ask about, etc. So, I keep putting it off and putting it off and I can't bring myself to actually do what needs to be done...just because it has to be done through a stupid phone.

For a while, I thought I was getting better with it. Actually, I know I was...but, then I was right back where I started. I'm currently interning with a music company and part of what I have to do is make phone calls and contact people when needed. I didn't have to go into the office that often, but I dreaded the days where I had to call people all day. I had to call all these big-name radio stations, tv companies, magazine companies...geh, it was horrible.

And in that case, I hate answering the phone even more than calling. Because, when I'm calling, I at least kind of know what I'm looking for. But, if someone calls, I need to answer the phone a certain way, say certain things...and I know that I probably won't have the answers to ANYTHING they ask me, because I'm just an intern. I avoid answering the phone at all costs. In fact...I remember one time, everyone else was on other lines and the phone rang and they told me to answer it. I had never answered a phone there before, so obviously, I panicked...and I froze and ended up not even answering it. I felt so bad afterwards. >.<

But, as soon as that let me take a step or two in the right direction to get over my phobia, business slowed down a lot and I had to come into the office less and less...and now I'm hardly going in at all, so I'm always away from phones now, which has allowed me to redevelop the phobia.

It's such a difficult thing to deal with! Grr!

[RainyOcean]

Wow, I'm not completely insane afterall!  I was o.k. with the phone when I was little but terrified of talking to people in person.  A few years ago I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and put on meds for it.  Around then I became more comfortable talking to people in person, but terrified of the phone!  The only people I can calmly talk to are my immediate family and my fiance.  Wow.  I can sympathize, but unfortunately don't have any advice.     I also use the computer for communication whenever possible and am good at getting other people to make phone calls for me.  And trust me, it is seen as weird when a 24 year old doesn't call to make her own doctor appointment.

[TitaniumRaven]

I'm glad I found this discussion, because I guess I have phone phobia, too. I can deal with it at work (so is it really a phobia?) -- at least, I've learned to, I suppose. But I rarely ever use the phone for personal matters; like others have mentioned, I don't call out for pizza, and I really procrastinate on things like making doctor appointments. I don't call friends unless I have some reason to do so, and even then, I find myself hoping to get their machine. I pace around the room if I'm talking on the phone, and I, too, find I have to "wind down" after a call.

Of course, if I wanted to get professional help for this, I'd have to call both my insurance company to clear it and the doctors office for the appointment. Since I don't have anyone to call for me, it's not happening.

[Pistil]

I've had this fear since I was a little child. Like all my other fears I can trace it back to its origins.

My fear mainly lies in the fear of the person on the other line being in a bad mood. Whether it's incoming or outgoing, I definitely stumble. When someone calls the first thing that comes to mind is "Aaah! No! Go away!" and I have actually thrown the phone across the room numerous times. Even people who I know are calling for a reason (have texted me two minutes ago and have said that they are going to call) I am liable to act the same way. It takes a lot of control to actually keep the phone in hand and answer the call. I can usually overcome the fear if one of two things happen: it is someone I know, or I know exactly why they are calling. Even then there is the chance that I still won't answer.

Calling someone is completely different. First, I have to summon up the courage to call. Second, I go over the number over and over in my head (for some reason having the number in my phone already helps this as I know it's a 'right number' even if I just added it myself). Third, I have to go over again and again what I start the conversation with (and the variances that may occur depending on how they answer and who answers). Fourth, I usually go over what the purpose of the phone call is. Fifth, I once again confirm the right number. Then I finally call. Hearing the ringing on the phone usually prompts me to immediately hang up, and I usually do it at least three times before I am willing to let it ring enough times for the person on the other line to answer.

By this time my heart is racing like mad. I have been pacing the entire time, annoying anyone around me (although usually I make sure I am alone so that I don't get ridiculed about the difficulties about doing a simple call). If I actually manage to complete a call - incoming or outgoing - once I hang up my heart is usually still racing and my mind goes over the entire conversation several times just to help calm me down.

There was a short time when I actually sort of got used to make and receiving calls. It would still scare me every time, but on the outside I looked like a regular person. But this was when I was working at a job that heavily relied on using the phone, and within two weeks of quitting the job the fear returned to the same old way.

Nowadays I can convince myself to make phone calls if I find them necessary. But if I can do the exact same thing over text or in person I do it that way. And even when I find them necessary I still try to find a way to get out of it - usually this is trying to get someone else to make the call for me.