"Some one is better then you syndrome"

[concrete_angel]

  Last Saturday nite I had my mom, younger sister and nieces over for dinner.. She never stops with the "Your sister is better syndrome".
But the "Your sister is better syndrome" has not stop with just me not doing any thing good enough when it comes to my older sister. It has moved on to not doing or having stuff that is good enough with my nephew.
I had my braces put on my teeth 10 weeks ago.. My husband and my self paid for them out of our own pockets. As expensive they were and all the crunching of money we did.. It seems like my mom does not understand that I are trying to better my self and my self esteem. It's the things she said to me that hurt me the most... She said that "Matthew" had more expensive braces and better care (water pick, tooth brushes, and dentist) then I could or ever have. Why can't I just be me and "Matthew" be him.. Why does there ever have to be a contest to see who has the better of this or that.. I mean my nephew has had his braces off for 2 years and he is only 15 years old.. But I guess I will always be compare to some one better or smarter or richer then me... that's in my family

[ainsecuregirl]

I am sorry to hear that concrete_angel . . . It is no help to anyone with a mental illness when you're always compared to someone else, but I understand what you are saying. My grandmother does the same exact thing!!

The best I can tell you is that if you haven't sat down with your mother and explained to her about your illness and how that makes you feel, do so. And honestly, sometimes you will have to continue to do so, over and over again. I was diagnosed with depression at 17, and I'm 23 now and I've finally managed to make my mother understand . . . interesting enough, she thought it wasn't true until I told her that I had been having anxiety attacks . . .

However, I will caution that sometimes, there is nothing you can do to change people. Nada. If that is the situation, then the best you can do when your mother starts her ."Matthew does this . . " simply tell her that you're sure that whatever Matthew has or has done is nice, but you don't want to hear about it, and its unfair for her to compare you to him, as you are of course two different people. Explain this all in an adult mannerism, without losing your temper. This will not only make you seem like the bigger person, but maybe it will finally get through to her.

And if you have to, say this to her every time she starts. Meanwhile, engage in some stress reducing activities, so you won't have to be so stressed. I suggest throwing darts at a picture of "perfect Matthew"