So Frustrated I could scream!!!!

[Tryn2Understand]

I don't know what to do. Joey is driving me crazy!!! He won't tell me whats wrong, then he'll tell me when its too late and I can't fix it! Then he wants to come up with stupid plans to get out of stuff. He'll say yeah sure that's fine, but then when the time rolls around to do said thing he wont' do it. Or he'll tell other people that he will do stuff and he doesn't want to do it then expects me to get him out of it. (Which usually results in me looking bad)...It is so frustrating because everything to him is SUCH a BIG deal. Nothing can be easy at all. Even watching the stupid football game today was a fiasco! He has to have everything his way and if its not perfect he makes everyone else miserble!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We arepposed to go over my grandparents house Sunday and he told everyone that it was fine and totally ok Now he's telling me he can't handle it, he doesn't get enough time to chill on the weekedns, and it'll mess up his football game! And they have a lot of money to give me for my birthday (which was 2 months ago, but he hasn't been willing to visit, even though he'll benefit from it too). What exactly am I supposed to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[apple]

Go anyway, and he can come or stay home. 

Either way he either deals with separation from you or dealing with your grandparents.

 Disorder or not...he can not ask you to quit living your life or having other relationships, especially with family.  Sorry Hun, you can be supportive but you have to set some boundaries or you will go down with him.

[anxiousinfla]

Did you get back to the therapist? I know you said you wanted to change therapists because they wouldn't see you together all the time. It's not the therapist that is wrong.......think about this.

You need to be the strong one and understand that the therapist does know what they are doing. (In a previous post, I did tell you to be prepared for them to require Joey to be alone with them even if you sat in the waiting room). Joey needs one on one with the therapist. If he's not beinghonest, that's his problem and they will see through it. It's the only way you'll be able to get on with your life. Stop doing this to yourself.

Also, consider a therapist, on your own, without Joey to give you some coping skills. You're not his mother and need to detach with love.

Joey needs help and you can't do it alone. Stop making excuses for him. You're missing out on life. Not trying to be harsh, just honest.

[GMan86]

I agree. He needs to WANT to get help. If he doesn't want to be honest with the therapist than thats his fault. You can only help someone so much. You can lead him to the door but he has to walk through. Good Luck.

[NightOwl]

In my case, I have gone to so many psychologists who do nothing to help me, thus why I could probably sympathize with him if he figured it just won't help him.

[Emily]

I agree with everyone who said you should just visit anyway! I know today is Monday and I am a bit late here.. but seriously! I have horrible Social Anxiety! But if my husband wants to see his family and I don't feel like going, he goes without me and they understand. He doesn't care to see them all that often, but when he does I support it! This is coming from someone in your b/f's shoes! So please don't let his anxiety control your entire life? I understand that you love and care for him and all you are trying to do is be supportive, but you have a life to live as well and I'm sure you would like to be doing other things with it. My husband loves to Race cars.. which can be scary! There is some track thingy he wants to do next Friday and it costs a bit of money. I told him to go!!! Even though I will miss him and worry, he works so hard to support us and I think he is entitled to a little fun. Relationships are all about sacrifice and compromise. I hope things start improving for you soon.


Take Care,
Emily

[Tryn2Understand]

He's freaking out because the rest of the weekendd we're crazy busy, and he doesn't get to relax. He likes my family and all, he just can't handle too much at one time.
Yes, I know the therapist isn't wrong, its him,, but we have to find another one anyway because the hours she works just don't work for us.

[pinky5]

Tryn2Understand,

You have to keep living your life, otherwise you're going to wake up one day and all your friends that you used to have are going to have given up and moved on with their life. Your family and friends are going to get sick of this situation and who would blame them? You need to maintain your other relationships, everyone needs more than one person in their life. No doubt, Joey just wants it to be you and him, but ask yourself is this really love? Love is supporting someone in being happy and having a good life. Please continue to have your own separate interests and relationships with friends and family. If he in too uncomfortable to go along with something, you need to make it clear that you will be going anyway. He is not going to die from a panic attack, believe me I've survived years of daily ones when I was younger. He will deal with as much as he has too. I'm sorry, but if he can go to work, and be OK while you are at work, he is reasonably functional.

 Maybe you could have a written itinerary somewhere in the house, so he has lots of warning about what will be going on, and can't use the excuse that he has forgotten. Having a schedule written down was something that made me feel better for some reason, it was like I could feel more prepared. A lot of time anxiety can be triggered by a sudden change of plans, or plans that happen out of the blue. I know it's not always possible to plan in advance, but it does help lessen anxiety. That has been one of the hardest challenges for me with my anxiety, to be spontaneous, and to go with the flow. If my boyfriend wants to change plans suddenly, he will warn me by saying, "OK Rachel take a breath", and I know he's about to spring something on me. I have a new way of dealing with this. It's to say yes to everything, instead of my old habit of saying no. It's an anxiety sufferers first instinctive response, to say no, to protect yourself. It's a habit that stops you from wanting to participate in almost everything. Please don't go down this road with him. You deserve a happy life. Apple is right, you have to set boundaries. You could lose years living this hell with him.

Rachel

[Tryn2Understand]

It doesn't work quite like that. He views me as someone who no matter what will always be there. I really don't want a scene at my grandmothers (by the way, that's this Sunday) I don't know what to do. I know you guys are right, but He's going through a med change and therapist change and psychitrist change and not in a very good spot right now. I love him alot, but sometimes things can be hard to take or understand. I think I understand the problem, that our weekend is too busy, but we have to do everything scheduled.