Char-Danay,
Thanks.You know,i've been having these feelings since I was very young.I do have a doctor now and wse're working on it,but something you said struck me as very familiar.I remember the very first time it happened I was about 5 or so,maybe younger,and I was in church(maybe another reason I was feeling anxious...lol)and all of a sudden I got light headed and heard a rining in my ears so loudly it became like white noise.I was certain everyone could hear it,but obviously I was the only one who could.It happened a couple of times lioke that in my childhood,but not too much after that,occasionally yes,but not enough to really concern me,I just learned to live with it when it happened,until many years later.Now that I understand what was going on it makes more sense,but getting to the root of it is my main concern now.Some years ago I wrote something that I had been thinking about,regarding that time period,I was trying to understand it....it's called "The Sudden Beyond" :
" As a child I heard the roaring silence as it rushed past my ears,sitting in church,clinging to my other's arm and praying that maybe,this time,she could hear it also.She never did,and furthermore insisted that I had not either.I know the difference,I thought,between fact and fiction and can only hope to be granted such leeway and maybe even the benefit of the doubt.There were alot of things I told her that she never believed,so I learned to lie,that maybe she would believe me.I was four or five then and I was learned at manipulation.In this the most vulnerable and honest state a human can exist in(childhood)I could not be trusted.I learned to do things un-naturally,then to cover them up.I became an adult.I learned how childhood wonder had been judged to be little more than mindless meanderings and that the obvious truth was now simple and foolish,not to be believed.
I clung to my mother's arm and hoped I was alseep."