death

[lilvanillachica1]

thats my one huge fear. it doesnt matter what way just not being able to do all the things i want to. just suddenly dying in themiddle of the night. not getting to say goodbye to people. i mean i believe in heaven but noone really knows. just the fear of the uncertsainity of it all. its kept  me up many nights. just thinking about it makes my heart race and my head hurt, which i immediately jump to maybe im having a heartattack or a stroke.

*sigh* i never used to be like this. neve.r i wonder what the hell hAppened? like what did i do or didnt do to make be lost in this stuff????

[apple]

I think all the stress in your life right now is putting you there.  Right now things arent allowing you to do the things you want to do.  You do have time sweety, it just is scary.  maybe you could talk to your doc and get some help to get thru this rough patch?  My prayers are with you.

[lilvanillachica1]

thanks apple. im glad i found this site. its a weird comfort knowing others feel like this. if i could only get my mind to believe it too!

[pinky5]

lilvanillachica1,

I know just what you're saying. I used to be obsessed with the thought that this could be the last day that I might be here and I'd never see my loved ones again. The pain and the drama of those lines of thought used to just consume me.

I remember one time in my early 20's, I was taking a short flight (30 minutes) to go spend the weekend with my sister. I had decided to take a flight as a treat for myself instead of spending 1 1/2 hours on a ferry and then driving for an hour each way. My ticket was all bought and paid for and the night before I was to go I just whipped myself into a frenzy thinking about how I was going down in this plane and would never see my family again. I stayed up late writing separate goodbye letters to my mum, sister, boyfriend, and grandmother. I wrote, I cried, this went on for hours. I poured out my heart telling them how much I loved them and why they all meant so much to me. The alarm went of early the next day, and my boyfriend drove me to the airport. I had this deep feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. As I said goodbye to him in the airport I hugged him and started to cry. He (a very sensible and unemotional type, now an ex) looked at me with puzzlement and said "Calm down Rachel, I'll see you on Sunday". Much to my surprise the plane landed in Vancouver and I got off and was greeted by my sister. Told her the whole story (had to since I'd obviously been crying). We both had a good laugh.

Once you start to think about all the things that could go wrong, there is just no end to where you can go. Just decide to not go there mentally. If I start to notice myself going down a mental path that I know doesn't support me in being happy, I just karate chop it mentally and think "I'm not going there!" Think happy thoughts. It really does help. It takes practice, hard at first, but you can do it.

Rachel     

[lilvanillachica1]

thanks rachel. Ive been trying. sometimes it helps sometimes not. Like rtight now. For the past i dont know, 2 hrs ive had chest discomfort and a racing heart. So of course im afraid im dying of a heart attack. i started googling (bad thing to do) and was even more convinced. Its taking every ounce of strenght i have not to go to the er.
i guess ill prove my mind wrong when im still here in the morning

c

[apple]

Are you on any meds?

 I've gone to the er when my anxiety was too much to handle and when the tests were done and I was ok they gave me an ativan and sent me home.  At least I felt better for a while.  I am now on meds all the time.

[lilvanillachica1]

the doctor tried a bunch of meds lexapro clonopin. but they alljust made it worse. the only thing that ever helped was xanax. but he stopped giving it to me after the first perscription. ive been tryin meds for a while now. hopefully i find something that works

[apple]

Good luck hun...finding the right meds can sometimes take forever but its worth it when you hit the jackpot!!

[Emily]

I too fear death.. but the death of people close to me. Also, I fear the death of my animals. Sometimes I lay awake at night crying because the thought of them dying freaks me out so much. I would probably drop dead if anything happened to my Mother or Husband.

[kiara]

i think fear of death is a huge issue iv always had this fear and i think alot of peoples anxity stems from this . it can be so overwhelming espiecally when you start to overthink about it

[itsmeesindee]

Lil,

I too have this fear.  It is not as bad as it used to be.  I just try and let everyone I care about know how I feel about them (just incase lol) and try not to think about it.  I narrowed down what really scares me is that when you die it is the only thing you have to do all alone.  just thinking about it twists my stomach up.  But when I make my self right with God and trust in Him I know that he is in control and will not let anything happen to me that he doesn't want.  So I give the fears up to Him and as soon as those thoughts come into my head I push them right out and think of something else. 

I realize that I have wasted too much time in my life worrying instead of enjoying the moments that I do have.  Only God know how much time I have here so I shouldn't waste it.  I know it is easiser said then done, but I try.  Sometimes I am sucessful and sometimes not.

Hope this helps a little.

Cin

[lilvanillachica1]

i get the same way. thats really what scares me to dbeing alone. its not like other things that if your scared you can bring someone. death is toatly your own. i try not to think about it b/c i f i did id prob. feel crazy than ever.
thanks to everyone who responded
courtney[/color][/font]

[GMan86]

The main reason why i fear death, which i think alot of people would agree with, is not accomplishing my set goals in life. I guess "unfinished business" if you will. I try not to think about death and try thinking about achieving the goals. Definately easier said then done.

[lilvanillachica1]

yeah thats part of my fear of death also. that and leaving my loved ones
courtney

[NightOwl]

Death has been the 1 biggest fear in the back of my mind for so many years now and when i get depressed from something else, it brings it out.  Sometimes I am more at peace with it, but then again you dont want to be too at peace with it either or you would have no desire to live.  lol  I dunno, I am worried about a lot of things which I probably shouldn't mention or I will just scare people.

I dont know.  I somehow handle it better.  But I dont want to die SOON when I am only 29.  I wish I could have a long, healthy, happy life. 

[GMan86]

Don't worry about "scaring people" especially on a forum. Communicating is the best way to handle most of what we go through. When I get depressed, death is one of the first things that come to mind. It makes depression even worse(if thats even possible). So I know what you are talking about. Hang in there! 

[NightOwl]

ok well basically I thought "what if" people just don't exist and even more scary than that i sometimes feared that people still know everything going on when they're dead and that would be one of the worst things I could imagine.  I personally do believe in God though.  But like everything else in my life I always dwell on the negative "what if's".  I don't think about this stuff as much anymore though, although I fear dying because there is so much I still wish I could get out of life.  But then again, I am sick of suffering in life.  I am a walking contradiction.  lol

[GMan86]

Life is a contradiction for many of us here on this forum. I share the same reasons as you when it comes to fear of death (especially not getting the most out of life possible).

[NightOwl]

It also doesn't help that I used to listen to a show on the radio hosted by Art Bell (www.coasttocoastam.com) and now have to listen only when the topics are decent.  There are way too many scary death-related topics and since it's usually scientists saying them or people working in morgues (and an actual talk show) it just adds to the death anxiety!  I try to only listen if it's about something such as astronomy now.  lol

[GMan86]

Wow, I can't believe you listen to that show. My grandma has been bugging me to listen to that show for so long. When is it on? I am so interested in the 'unknown' 

[NightOwl]

It's on right now, but I am not listening becuase I like when Art Bell hosts it, which is on weekends.  It's on from midnight until 4 AM here (Central Time).   I REALLY stopped listening though when my anxiety peaked like this.  I used to listen to it constantly and things didnt bother me from it, I didnt have nightmares, etc.

[GMan86]

what station is it on?

[NightOwl]

If you go to the website, there is an affiliates link which tells the station for the different cities.

[GMan86]

Cool, thanks 

[NightOwl]

Since it's Halloween, Art is having his traditional shows he has around then so:

Saturday night:  recordings of ghost voices.  I could not listen to that when I am depressed like this though.
Tuesday night (Halloween)-  ghost stories, where callers call in and tell supposedly true ghost stories. A lot seem like the people are being honest, which makes them scary.  Probably another night I wont listen, in this mood.  lol  That stuff will just scare me more when I am depressed.