Fear of losing it!

[Sunnyboycereal]

Hello,

This is my very first post.

I have suffered on and off with GAD and a sprinkle of OCD and a dash of Hypo (nice recipe for crazy..lol) for about 10 years but been worrier most of my life.
I have a severe fear of "going crazy" more specifically the "S" word which I don't even like to say. :)
I feel foggy with extreme bouts of the inability to concentrate on much. My brain is going 200 mph in what is supposed to be 15k school zone.
I monitor my every thought, thinking "is that crazy" and suffer from the "what if syndrome" pretty bad. I also constantly forget what I was thinking about half the time which really scares me.
My racing thoughts are very odd at times going from one thing to another, not even worries or obsessions but random things which makes me believe even more so that I am going crazy.
I am at my worst when I am in the state of kind of "half asleep", my mind just cannot concentrate when I try to close my eyes and sleep or just relax and I get this nasty taste in my mouth, like metal or something.
I of course feel my best when I am busy, and I forget to even worry or think about it.
Someone please tell me I'm ok and you feel the same or have or had similar experiences, I would appreciated it!

[sixpack]

hi--i think you've found a good group.  There are a bunch of us here who go through similar feelings!  I guess we're a bunch of loons   Seriously though, what you are going through is what many folks here are struggling with.  Some folks are actually winning the fight.

Welcome to the group.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Thanks Sixpack!!  I appreciate your welcome and encouraging words!!

[canon]

Iam having the same crazy feelings sunnyboycereal, feel like im going crazy or loosing it. Seem to be like this 24/7 for the last few months now. I always worried about my heart, then i found out its completely fine. The next day my worry shifted and now i feel like im going crazy.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Thanks Canon. Thats how it started with me. I though I was having heart failure. I would listen/ feel my heart beat all the time (mostly at night) thinking it was dying or something...lol. Then had these strange head pain, and of course brain tumor. Then the feeling and major fear I'm going crazy. Not just fear, really actually think i'm seriosuly mentally ill. I actually have really good the past few days, the ol brain has calmed down.
It is AMZAZING how anxiety can mimic ailments. The brain is powerful.
The fact that you fear going crazy menas you are not Canon.

Peace and thanks again for posting.

[crazylady]

Sunnyboycereal,

This is why I call myself Crazylady. The worst part is I can go for days without hardly feeling anything that is weird or out of the ordinary and it just comes out of nowhere again. Some times them are the worst smack downs when I've been feeling pretty decent.

Your definitely not alone, i still can't believe there are this many people out there that have to deal with this, the upside, and only upside your not alone.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Thanks Crazylady, I appreciate your comments. I as well can feel good for a few days then "boom", oh oh this must be it, im losing it...lol.

[el-k]

Wow, Sunnyboycereal, it seems like you've written my biography in your post! I have those same annoying/frustrating anxieties and thoughts. This is such a good place to find support and encouragement. There are so many great people here who are ready at an instant to offer some good sound advice or to share a personal story. It makes those  rough times a little more tolerable. I hope you're feeling better soon!

[Sunnyboycereal]

I mean this in the best way possible El-k that it is nice to hear you say that...lol.

I hope you feel better too soon my friend. :) You will!!!

Keep in touch!

[crazylady]

A bunch of crazies getting together on a site, who would have thought. lol.

[brazilgirl21]

I could have written that post myself.
The "S" word... lol, give me shivers!! I'm SO scared of becoming S-zo!!!

My panic disorder at age of 16 developed into GAD and it's been years that my fear is about going crazy!! I am NOT scared of dying or having a serious disease, my fear is ONLY of going crazy, losing touch with reality!!

I'm coming out of a severe 2-months of brain fog, despersonalization/derealization, and I've been questioning existence SO much and wondering if I'll lose it.

The only thing we can do is embrace the fear and eventually you start feeling more normal.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Thanks for the comments Brazil, I guess we fell from the same apple tree. :).

I hope you are feeling better soon. Keep in touch please, I would like to know how you make out or just chat.

[GimpyGirl]

I am part of this group...I feel like I am going to lose it especially at work or around a lot of people...It is not SO bad when I am at home.  I guess I will have to be a hermit the rest of my life.  This is not how I pictured life when I was growing up 

[GoodOlWalt]

Don't worry about the stigma of crazy. It should comfort you to know that people who are actually insane, have no idea they are insane. If you have identified that yolu have certain problems, then you are on the right path. And we all need help. There is not a thing wrong with needing help. If you are able to, find a therapist and find a nurse practioner or a physician who can prescribe you medication. If affordability is the issue, look into assistance and places that offer sliding scale fees. The therapist will help you get through, understabnd and unravel your thoughts. And for each one of us we know healing takes one day at a time, so stay posted in here. No one is here because they want to give up, they are here because they want to make it! And they want others like you to make it as well.

I am part of this group...I feel like I am going to lose it especially at work or around a lot of people...It is not SO bad when I am at home.  I guess I will have to be a hermit the rest of my life.  This is not how I pictured life when I was growing up 

I do not think you will have to live that way if you get the right help.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Thanks Gimpy and Walt for the post and comments!

[nemesis]

Hi Sunnyboy, it seems that you and I were cast from the same mold. I've been suffering with the 'S' fear for over a year now, analyzing every thought and every physical action until I drove myself into an anxious fog. I can't recall how many times I've looked up 'S' symptom lists and compared what I thought were my own symptoms against those, ticked off at least half the list and then spent the rest of the day barely able to function due to fear that 'S' was impending and it was only a matter of time before I had the full symptom cluster.

Like you, I also have days where I wake up and I feel half a sleep and stuck in a derealized, foggy and terribly anxious state for the rest of the day. The anxiety can be so bad on these days that I truly fear that I am losing my grip, and that this is the beginning of the 'S' coming on. On days like these, I try and avoid semi risky activities such as driving as a simply cannot cut through the brain fog to pay attention. It's quite a scary state.

With that said though, I also have my good days. Many in fact. Recently, I travelled to a different city (quite a big deal here in Australia :)) with a group of friends for the F1 grand prix. I was experiencing terrible anxiety and 'S' fear leading up to the event, thinking that placing myself in a new and stressful environment would surely trigger some bad reaction. I was freaking out for a full week leading up to flying out. When I arrived there however, I experienced almost a full week without even the slightest hint of anxiety or fear. I was so occupied by what was going on around me that I think I quite literally forgot to worry! This offered some welcome proof that I was not indeed heading in the 'S' direction, and that my symptoms and concerns are obviously just brought about by the anxiety that comes from constant fearful rumination. Perhaps the same holds true for you too?

All the best!
neme

[Sunnyboycereal]

Hi Nem,

Thanks for post. I think we did fall from the same apple tree brother...lol. funny you mention travelling as I went to Mexico about 5/6 weeks ago. When my wife booked the trip, I thought "what if I get full blown crazy there, have a freak out, break down and end up in a Mexican hospital". I was extremely anxious leading up to the trip, sure I was well on my way to full on "S".
Like you, I actually didn't even think about it. I was too busy soaking up sun and having such a good time, I didn't even think about it. My brain fog and lack of concentration got pretty bad a few weeks after I got back though I am still able to function, drive etc... I do a pretty good job of hiding my feelings and anxiety. I have become an incredible actor at pretending to feel and look normal but in my head I feel so scared of mental illness I bring it on my self. Anxiety can mimic ALL AND EVERY DISAEASE KNOWN TO MAN KIND, with real pain, real everything. Still blows me away.
It is still there in the back of my head, but getting easier and realize the fear may creep back.
I made the mistake of looking up symptoms years ago and will NOT make that mistake again. Unfortunately, those symptoms I read have stuck with me.

How old are you Nem?

Best of luck to you, thanks again for your story. Keep in touch (only if you stay sane...lol)

Sunny.

[Sunnyboycereal]

Back on top!! lol

[nemesis]

Hi Sunny, I'm 30.

Hope you're having a good weekend :)

[Sunnyboycereal]

Cool Nem. How have things been going for you? Feeling great I hope.

Sunny

[boykie]

Read my post about this- I actually DID go crazy one day like we all are scared of. It was terrible but sort of liberating to actually DO what we all are scared of.