Abandonment Problems

[faeriewingz]

I've had problems since I was in middle school, about losing my friends. I am scared to death that they will leave me one day. Being the type of person I am, I have been told that I am someone people are drawn to because I am so nice and understanding and don't judge. So since all people are drawn to me, I tend to get the ones who just wanna use me for what they can, and once they get what they wanted, drop me. It has happened countless of times. I get close to someone and then they just drop me. And I never hear from them again. And you'd think I learn my lesson but it seems I never do because it'll happen again not too long after the previous one.

Because of this, I am so scared to lose any new friends that I make these days. It hasn't happened in the past few years but that fear is always with me. And recently I went through a really bad break-up and it ended with the two of us not being friends and it broke me that I lost another friend. I got very paranoid with all the other friends that I have now and freak out about losing them as well. When I tell them this, they just call me silly and say it will never happen but I have heard this before in previous years and it still always happened to me.

I find myself crying myself to sleep over the thought of losing them. I am honestly afraid of losing my friends, whom I deem as parts of my family. It takes a lot for me to trust someone and let them in and I can't bear losing them once they are in.

[sixpack]

Oh honey, I'm sorry you feel that way.  I feel badly that people are using you.  That can certainly cause you to trust yourself less.  I don't know if I have any sage advice here other than perhaps you may want to talk to a therapist about these things.  Maybe he/she could help you understand why you choose the people you do as friends only to be disappointed.

In the meantime, you have the ZONE to vent if nothing else.

[MissDaisy]

Hello

I have the same issue as you do.  I always need reassurance that people won't leave me.  I am super scared to let people in and when I do, I start getting paranoined about them leaving and I alwayask them if they are sure they want to be with me. Sometimes its hard for them too. When I feel calmer in general I am usually better but when I have periods where my anxiety is severe, I really have a hard time with this.   How old are you by the way?

[faeriewingz]

@sixpack-
I have finally convinced my mother that this is a serious problem after like he fourth asthma attack that lead me into the hospital on a breathing machine to finally let me go see a therapist. So she is suppose to be looking into it for me. Maybe soon

0213 MissDaisy-
I do the same. I always feel like a bother when I ask them but I just need to know sometimes. I am 19, will be 20 in Sept.

[SexPistolsfan77]

I had this feeling for the longest time up until a few years ago. It started back in fifth grade when one of my friend's mothers thought I was a bad influence on my friend (her son) and wouldn't let us hang out or play together. I mean, sure, I was a bit foul-mouthed, and a total smartass, but I certainly didn't think I was a bad influence. That made me feel very bad aboout myself, and I think it ultimately led to a lot of self-doubt.

Then two of my closest friends moved away at around the same time, and I just felt so alone. I do still talk to at least one of them now and again, and I do see that first friend of mine at school now and then, but he's very different now.

I have made new friends, though. I do get kind of lonely now and then, seeing as how they never really want to hang out too much. They always seem to have other things going on, whereas I'm just left to sit at home with all the crap going on in my head. I don't drink, so I don't really go out and party with the football team, or anything like that, which leaves me at a bit of a loss, I guess. I have so much time on my hands, and nothing to do with it.

I've been trying to start a band for the longest time now, but there just isn't much of a scene here in Houston, much less an interest 70s-harking punk rock, so I'm again left alone.

Sorry to yammer on and on in your topic, dude. It just reminded me of how I can feel lonely sometimes. I don't let it get to me that much, though. Just remember, you'll always have your family, and even if your friends do leave (which probably won't happen), you can always make new ones. I mean, if you did it once, you can do it again!

[faeriewingz]

@SexPistolsfan77-

I wish I could not let it get to me. But it just does. I sit there and try not to get upset and try not to cry about it but I still end up letting it get to me. I want to be able to control it. But I really am scared and paranoid about it all the time.

--------------------------------------------

Just today I moved out of my dorm, moved back home with my mom and stepdad. I had to leave my roommates whom I had grown attached to and relied on. And we all live in different parts of the city so we won't get to see each other much this summer. I cried when we said our goodbyes. I cried on the ride home. And once the parentals go to bed, I'm sure I'll cry some more. I hate being this way. I know I'm not alone, but I can't help but feel this way.

[SexPistolsfan77]

Grief is certainly a normal emotion. Sometimes, you just need to cry it out, but you can't let it consume you. Don't try and push it out with anger, but rather optimism. It's like that old Monty Python song says, "Always look on the bright side of life".

Look at it this way, even if you and your friends are far away from one another, you can always call them, or e-mail them, or what have you. It's not difficult to keep in touch in this day and age.

Also, say you do end up far away from your pals, too far. Sure, they're gone, but at least you've got the fond memories to look back on. Some people don't even have that. It's certainly not ideal, but you may be forced to accept that circumstance at some point, but probably not. If you do, however, I'm sure you'll adapt, eventually. I know it's a hard thought, though.

I don't think your friends would leave you. They should be lucky to have such a dedicated and caring friend like you, especially when you have the guts to tell them. I wish I had the balls to tell my friends (and probably a few other loved ones) how much they really mean to me. You said it to them outright, and that takes courage. =)

[faeriewingz]

@SexPistolsfan77 -

See that's the funny thing. I am the positive thinker of my group of friends. I was always try and cheer them up and make think of the bright side. But when it comes to myself, I can't seem to do that. ((shrugs))

Yes I know we can talk online and whatnot, but it's still not the same. But it's all I can get

I get told that a lot, but when a friend ends up leaving, everyone around me doesn't know what to say, except that they're sorry.