Out of the anxiety frying pan and into the fire...

[NorthernRC]

Well, I survived my last week of training for my new job. The trainer and most of the class were pretty racist and made tons of inappropriate comments but I bit my tongue and made it through. Unfortunately I came home to a whirly wind of anxiety. Not only am I scared and anxious about the new job next week and whither or not I'll be able to support my family but my wifes gone over the edge again. She hadn't cleaned or put anything away when I was gone and yelled at me for cleaning up as soon as I got in (dirty, cluttered homes make me anxious, I'm not compulsive but I can't stand it when all of the surfaces are covered with trash and there are dirty dishes on the floor). Today she started yelling at me and calling me a jerk in front of the kids. After we got home she didn't want anything on but decorating show es because everyhing else gave her a head ache. She finally blew up at me and our eldest son and stormed of withthe baby. I don't know where she's gone but now I'm just a wreck!! HELP!!

[apple]

Oh no Northern!!   You ok??  whats going on with your wife?  I dont even know what to say...doesnt make sence whats happened?  Did she come back or call??  Let me know ...what an awful situation.

[NorthernRC]

Yes, I'm O.K. I really don't know what the problem is. I am worried about her, though. I've recognized some of my issues and have been working on solving them. However, It's actually gotten worse between my wife and I. I think she has some issues, too. She's started getting angry a lot more and has started screaming at me an the kids. She doesn't see herself doing it. If I try talking to her and I have any vocal fluctuation She screams at me for either yelling at her or insulting her. I originally thought it was just me but she'smeet wt my therapist and he, and her doctor, thinks she might have a problem. Her Dad is probably bipolar and (my opinion) emotionally and mentally abused her. She thinks he's the greatest man who walked the earth. She also has told me about being sexually abused by another relative. Her older sister also suffers from high anxiety and has been hospitalized for it. She claims there is nothing wrong with her and refuses and type of couple or individual therapy. It beg's the question, what do you do to try and help someone you love with there mental health issues?

[Smokey]

It is tough, but she needs to know that you can talk to her and love her all the same. Her anger maybe frustration with how she is feeling. If she is bi polar she probably has massive highs and lows which can be very difficult to cope with.

Try to be understanding and don't argue if she shouts. Perhaps give her a nice gesture by buying her flowers or cooking her tea. They will helo take your mind off the job.

Prayers are with you.

[toblerone]

This sounds serious.  Talk to the therapist about whether the baby is safe.  You may have to call the cops.  Also, if you get her home again ask the therapist for some medication for her to calm her get the medication even if she won't go with you.  You may have to sneak it to her in a drink.  Ask the therapist NOW.  If you are successful in getting her medication she may then consider getting help.

Ask the therapist how you can get your kids in a safer environment.  This is a very scary and bad situation for them.

[o-ren]

Sorry you are going through a rough time right now Northern.  Hang in there, and I hope the future will work out well.  My heart goes to you

[apple]

I dont know what to say here Northern.  You cant help a person who wont admit to help nor accept help.  Maybe nudging her in that direction during pleasent times may eventually guide her to getting help.  Stay strong babe...maybe she will have a revolation one day and things can get moving. 

Possible she's havin baby blues??  It can happen anytime within 3 years after a baby is born believe it or not.  Maybe if you take this route to her she may consider.  At least she would possibly believe this and its temporary if taken care of.

Good luck hun!!

[pinky5]

NorthernRC,

Hello, hope things are going better at home for you. Was thinking about you and hoping that your new job is going well this week. I had replied to your original post, but I suppose my session timed out and the whole thing dissappeared. Very frustrating.

Relationships are hard work a lot of the time. There are so many things to disagree on and so many different styles of doing things. Just remember that all those happy looking couples you see everywhere have their issues too. Why is it that when you are having trouble in your relationship you see happy, snuggling couples everywhere. Last week I had a fight with my boyfriend and was riding the bus and this sickingly happy couple sat in front of me. They snuggled, they kissed, they smiled, I had to move. I was feeling so aggravated I really wanted to slap them.

About anxiety and relationships. If you suffer from anxiety I think there is a really good chance that your partner has issues in this area too. Maybe it's more hidden with them, but if they didn't have issues too they wouldn't be able to relate to you. Sometimes there is one person who seems to be worse and ends up being blamed for everything that is going wrong with the relationship because of their issues, when it is really both people who are having problems. You just end up being the convenient scapegoat for everything. Probably the more you get help, the more no ticable her issues become. I don't know what you can do to help a spouse, except encourage them to go for therapy as well, but it really is an individual  journey to get better. You can grow together, but you both have to be willing to really have a realistic look at your behavior.

Rachel