Lunacy Therapy and Social Phobia.

[Hat]

Lunacy Therapy.

Most definitions I have read, speak about social phobia, as being a lack of self-esteem and being afraid of embarrassment in social situations. Fear of negative responses from others, is usually mentioned.

When in a social situation, there is an interaction occurring, so what happens in this interaction.

During the process of interacting with an object, in this case one or more humans,  information is collected via the senses, e.g. colour, shape, size , position etc., and identified by comparison with what is already known, in an endeavour to establish the relationship, between the self and the other/others in the interaction.
When the relationship is worked out, The manner in which the self reacts,  is also worked out [on a second level neural map]. If the organism has the wherewithal to handle the situation, then all is well, but if the self thinks that it "doesn't know what to do" the alarm bells start ringing. This is where anxious and fear feelings begin.

So as you can see, it really has nothing to do with self-esteem, even the most positive and self-confident person could find themselves, in this position at some time. What it has to do with though, is self-efficacy, this is, confidence in that  one has the necessary response to handle the situation. So standing in front of a mirror all day and saying, “I love me, I am a beautiful person” is not going to help.

Low self-esteem is a secondary issue, if you know you don’t have the skills, to handle social situations, with the apparent ease of others, then it is only natural that you will start having feelings of being inferior. As time goes by, these feelings become more and more entrenched and start to pervade all areas of your life. So looked at logically, low self-esteem is a result, not a cause. So in theory, if the cause, lack of skills can be remedied, then self-esteem will rise of it’s own accord.

I have had people tell me, that cognitive therapy can cure phobias including social phobia. I believe this to be totally untrue, but coupled with behaviour therapy (the learning of new skills), the picture is a lot brighter.

The lack of having the correct responses, to deal with various social situations is the problem. But these skills can be learned and put into practice, if one has motivation to do so. 

Another thing that I feel is important and can be learned, is the ability to laugh at oneself. The ability, to never take life too seriously or too personally. I feel we place far to much emphasis, on self-worth and the value of one person compared to the value of another. Life is far to short for this luxury, after all, each of us is just going through life the best we know how.

The aim of learning new coping skills, is to put in place, by the building of new neuromotor circuits, new automatic responses to replace the one/ones we have now. The most common being avoidance.

How do we do this? One small step at time.
The first thing that we can do is to try to distract our mind while in social situations. This can be done, by such things as, humming, singing or whistling quietly to oneself. I tend to think in terms of shopping centres, as this is an area where lots of people seem to have problems. So whilst pushing the trolley, practice one of the above. The idea is to try to set in place a new behavioural pattern, so instead of furtively looking around for danger, we instead become involved in getting our song right. Talking to oneself also works, I do it all the time.

Next step, lets call it, remote communication. This is achieved by the simple action of smiling at people.
Most people will smile back, as this is most common auto-response to a smile. I practice, “chucking a smile” at all who I make eye contact with. The mere fact of having someone smile at you, tends to be relaxing.

Moving on, try to initiate conversation. This can be done by asking questions. There is nothing most people like better than to talk about themselves. So at the check out, it’s a good place to start, with Monday and Fridays being good days. You can ask, “how was your weekend?” or “ doing anything good this weekend?’.
I’m pretty sure you understand what I mean. The idea is to start to get used to having conversations with strangers, to build a more and less threatening responses, to conversation on face to face level.

To continue, move on to asking simple things, that you already know the answer to. In a way it’s like pretending you’re a dumb bunny. Most people like to feel that they are being helpful, and tend to be very understanding and kind. Every good interaction that you take part in, reinforces the positive and starts to over-write the negative response that you have.

As you gain confidence, which you will, you can start to get a bit more daring. Start asking more complex questions and start practicing bolder and longer responses to questions directed at you.

I found that humour has it’s place in the picture. If you worry about people laughing at you, then give them something to laugh at on purpose. You’ll soon notice that they are laughing with you, not at you.
For the odd one who just looks at you with a blank face, make a point of saying these words to yourself, “****** you, it’s your loss not mine”, or any other appropriate swear words that come to mind. Then have a small, not too big, bit of pity for them. You know, “poor B* has forgot how to smile, their life must be pretty dull, sort of thing.

Some things that I have done, that could be considered a bit loony.

When asked “how are you today” I have answered with,

Still mad, sane people never have fun.
I’m breathing, don’t know whether that’s a good sign or not.
If I ever wake up, I’ll let you know.
Have you got six months to spare.
Do you really care, or did you get told to ask.
My chronic fatigue is bad today, just can’t think. Then again I don’t suppose I could ever think.
I’m past my use by date.

I was in a shop one day and I found something funny about chickens, (can’t remember what) but as we were walking down the street I was giving my best imitation of a chook clucking. This man as he passed, turned and looked at me quizzingly, so I just clucked a bit more. Boy did he take off fast. Yeh and my wife and son, I noticed, were pretending not to be with me. Couldn’t help it, I just burst into uncontrollable laughter.

When asked if I have flybuys? I have answered.

No, I borrow the wife’s broom stick.
No I just flap (while doing the arm motions)
No the only thing I know, that flies by is time and I think it left without me.

Somewhere in here, is a bit of logic, there is nothing wrong with being a bit different. If you’re concerned and a bit afraid of others, try a bit of lunacy. It will give you some breathing space, as people tend to be scared of the unknown. They have a fantasy that people, who are a bit “mental” are dangerous, so adding a touch of lunacy, puts the shoe on the other foot, so to speak. Oh yeh, sometimes it can be a lot of fun.

May life be kind to you all.
 :) :) :)

[Kitty_]

^o^ LOL, I can't stop laughing!  What you do is so cool.

      Have you ever had cognitive therapy? A lot of this sounds exactly like what I hear (habituation, self-esteem ISN'T the problem and does not exist, try doing something 'crazy', etc.) except I have never heard about the interacting color process.
        Your right about self-worth/love. I definitely love myself but have SAD anyway; though isn't it more of a personal truth?
        Whistling/humming/singing in public can also be very anxiety provoking, and personally it wouldn't be a small step (though, that's what I would be doing with BYOCC's) BYOCC's (be your own cognitive coach) are form's you fill out about automatic thoughts and rational respones, usually BYOCC's would put me in a situation I normally would avoid.
       Now that I think about it, cognitive therapy focuses on the thought process and rational thinking like "I won't REALLY be harmed if I _______ or ________ happens, the worst that COULD happen I could live with; I wouldn't truly  be 'crazy' if I ____________.

Though, I'd love to try your approach sometime, ^_^I think I will tomorrow! One last question, did you write the "Lunacy Approach?" I think it's pretty amazing some of the ideas, a lot of the situations I didn't think I could possibly do.
-Kitty_

[Hat]

Hi Kitty,
thank you for showing some interest in my post, I'm pleased that it gave you a good laugh.
In all the books that I read they always talk about "being afraid of people laughing at you"
So I just figured I'd give them something to laugh at. If I survied this I could then work on the social skills that I was lacking. BTW, I found they were laughing with me not at me.

"Have I ever had cognitive therapy"?
 Yes and no.I paid to go to an anxiety workshop, where it was, "don't worry, cognitive therapy will fix your problems" So did ten other people. I kept in contact with them for a while and all said they had wasted their money. I listened to what was being said, it sounded good, if you didn't look at it too deeply. they made no allowance for genetic pre-disposition toward anxietas reactions.They said, I was anxious because of what I was thinking, in other words, it was my thoughts that made me anxious. I didn't believe them. Whereas I can seen my thoughts can increase my anxiety, they are not the direct cause of it.

I along with some noted therapists I have read, believe that cognitive therapy by itself is useless in treating anxiety disorders. It can play a part though, if it is coupled with behaviour therapy, that is, the learning of new social skills.

The whistling, humming etc can be done silently, to start with, it just something to keep the mind occupied, instead of looking around at every person, and thinking, "Is she looking at me"

It doesn't really in a way revolve around auto-thoughts, it's more about auto-responses and because avoidance has worked in the past, it becomes the number one auto-responce.

I'm sorry, but my time is very limited tonight, but if you want to talk more about it, send me a message and I will be pleased to talk to you. I have Gad, Sad and mild bipolar. I have read heaps on the subject and have written a few bits to help anxiety pen pals.

In answer to your final question, yes I did write "Lunacy Therapy" myself. BTW it has worked for me, it was my first step along the road to improvement. I will always be an anxietas person, because I have a genetic pre-disposition, but I am a lot better than I was.

Please feel free to message me anytime.
May life be kind to you.
 Jim.

[Kitty_]

During another post I realized, I can talk to close friends and family perfectly fine, I know I have very functional automatic responces to people I'm close with.  I am also able to laugh at myself (I can recall a few very funny times.)
          The problem starts when I notice people I don't know very well, even whenI'm with close friends I get quieter.
 
*please bear with me as I try to collect my thoughts in the next paragraph
        Isn't "I won't have anything to say." also another way of thinkin? Aren't thoughts the reason people get scared? For example, I practiced a speech until I had it perfectly the night before it was due. The next day I was terrified to give it.
     Hmmmm, I gave the speech so that example doesn't count>_<. But some people refused to do theirs (I suppose that doesn't count either) or chose to do theirs later at lunch with only the teacher watching (^_^ that one counts!)

        I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say .
          From,
              Kitty_

[Hat]

Hi Kitty,
I understand what your saying. I've very busy today, but will do my best to write some more tonight. Take care.

Hat :) :)

[tommy]

Wedding Speech. OH how will i ever be able to do it. My Daughters wedding day is approaching , well actually its April 22nd and already i am terrified.
I am a 49 yr old Scottish fella who used to drink alot to be able to talk to people but i found that the booze was talking and not me so mostly it was alot of rubbish. The Lunacy therapy rings some bells and i can see where Jim is comming from. I am going to have to do this no matter what so any help is very very appreciated 

New to the group


regards   Tommy

[Hat]

Hi Tommy,
all I can suggest is a couple of double whiskies, or if you have some anti-anxiety meds, pop part of or a whole one, depending on how they effect you, about five to ten minutes before you have to do your thing, You'll still be nervous, but once your mouth starts flapping and you see it's ok, you'll be fine.

Good luck mate. Jim.