Making an effort.

[dooges]

Well today I have been running a little scared. I woke this morning with a new twitch. On the under side of my forearm and in the meaty section of my palm just under the thumb. Plus a ramp up of other varios twitched through out my body. But the ar/hand one is so noticeable.
It was going off this morning. It has faded as they has gone on and havent felt it to much tonight. I'm not sure what is causing this. Well I'm still trying to convince myself about the anxiety. I'm getting there..

I went bowling llast night and as the anx can make your muscles all tense etc, hence the twithing, I thought the bowling may have stressed out those muscles even more. Thus the twitching in that area.
The other mode of thinking was that we had 18 family members coming for lunch today and I knew it was goin gto be long and arduous task to have everything ready and entertain for the day. Anxiety can put you into a fatigued state and was not really looking forward to it.
It actually went ok,  but I just could not fully immerse myself in the day. I noticed myself always hanging back and not fully puttig myself out there or getting involved in to many conversations.  It was for my birthday which makes the whole thing a little more sad.

On the upside, I'm proud that I got through it without taking time out. Well i did for 10 min towards the end just to take a few deep breaths then soldier on.

Afterwards I went for a long hot shower and don a bit of thinking. Last night on you tube I was looking at a story on BDD... Basically where people think they are just ugly and have to always look in a mirror checking themselves out. One young lady was a former model, still looked stunning but thought she looked ugly..  Anyways I don't have that!!!!   But because of my fear with ALS it made me realise that I am constantly checking myself out in the mirror looking for signs of atrophy ( muscle wasting )  Every time I walk past a mirror I do it. When I sit down or am in the shower, I'm doing it. It woould have to be oever 100 times a day along with little tests of strength in my left arm/hand/fingers/left leg.

I'm going to make a conscious effort not to do this for a few days and see how I go. I will report back then..

 It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm going to give myself a break by trying not to worry to much and enjoy dinner tomorrow night.

[Everlast]

i also there thinking i have als,, and dr, says know i spend time at the mirror also, i have a lot in comun except i have pain i dont know if you have it and troaght problems.

we have to keep changin information

[dooges]

No, i don't get throat problems and I'm not getting any real pain in my muscles either. Some parts just feel a little different and I feel that my left leg tires out quicker than my right when I'm leaning my weight to that side.

I know my anxiety has spiked in the last few days and yesterday was particulry tiresome with ALL the family coming over.

I caught myself doing a couple of little tests this mornign and stopped myself and I made a big conscious effort not to look at my muscles when in front of the mirror getting ready for work. I ws somewhat successful at that also.

What I did notice was my left shoulder not hurting as much over the weekend. Now that I'm at work and have been in front of the computer for the best part of 3 hours I can feel the dull ache returning.