coming to terms with being diagnosed with depression

[bussie]

I was diagnosed with depression at the end of 07. I am in my early 30s and it turns out I have had it since I was a kid. Its a person's worst nightmare - to wake up at 30 and realise you haven't really lived.
I have been having therapy for the past 5 months after being written off by a shithead as being useless.
I have days where I am scared shitless and then I did the classic no no - I looked up people I went to school with to see how they were doing and they are doing well... I want to be in that line up.
One thing I can not understand is why my mum left me like this for so long. I had to reach rock bottom before something got done. I wish it never happened but I hope there's some benefit to it.
I feel like I've missed out on a lot. I hope things are going to work out.
I wish I had a family that would talk to me.
I hate being called mental or odd .... I hate the fact that emotional shits can get away with taking out their anger on you and are considered socially acceptable and someone with a mental condition like depression is told to 0100 off because they shouldn't exist.
And one thing I can't understand is how can you treat someone like that and then carry on having fun and like nothing has happened - surely that's deranged.
I hate being ill.. In all honesty I don't know what is better to be ill or to be emotional and aggressive

[sixpack]

Hi and welcome to our group.  I'm glad you found us.

I'm sorry you had such a sad upbringing.  It certainly must be difficult to treated in such a way.

My suggestion to you is find another therapist.  We don't always find the right dr or the right med the first time around.  So don't give up, keep trying.

And if all else fails, you have us.

[cubmanben]

It sounds like you've had a long road to get to where you're at. I commend you for having the courage to step up and confront your problem. The one thing with therapists, psychiatrists, family doctors or whomever is that you have to find one that you can confide in. If they're not helpful, go find one that is. A big part of my recovery process has been a doctor who is on my team and listens to me and what I feel and what I want to get out of our meetings. If I have a problem with the med, I tell her and she tweaks things and we're getting it figured out together, and that's a huge thing. I'm glad to hear that you're hopeful things will work out, because a big part of getting better is wanting to get better. It's a difficult step to take, but once you're committed to your own health you can get there. Try hard to fight the stigmas of being "mental or odd" because you are you. There's a big temptation to be defined by your affliction, but it's something that you deal with. You are not depression though, you are your own strong self and you will be a better and stronger person when you get feeling better because of the hardships you've had to endure now.
The answer to your question about which is better, the answer is neither. You will get your life back if you keep working on getting it back. You can know a life without boundaries and you'll get there. Good luck to you and welcome to the The Zone!