I have finally hit the bottom

[ashcrash85]

I don't know where this post should go as I'm not sure it's Depression or Bi Polar.

For the past 2 weeks I've been nothing but extremely irritable. I'm constantly mad and annoyed at my kids, my husband drives me up the wall and I can't wait to yell at him. Add to that, I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning. There's no point, I do the same thing every day and it does nothing of worth. I've even started taking naps in the afternoon, as soon as my kids are out I'm out too. I don't want to do my school work anymore, I don't feel like I'm succeeding like I should.

Today was a terrible day. I feel so utterly stupid. Got up this morning to take the kids with so I could pick up groceries. Mind you, it was storming outside. I also needed gas. I drive to the store only to find everyone standing outside with the power off. Great. So I had to go find a gas station. Found one just as my car was dinging madly at me. Get out and start to get ready to pump gas. My card doesn't work. My car computer on the stereo kept flashing low fuel low fuel. I have a strong fear of being stranded, it's been that way since I was 16. Called my husband told him I didn't think I would make it home, by then I was livid. He said he had talked to his superior and was going to come and fill me up. I told him I didn't want him taking off work and was going home. By then I yelling at him so loud his whole shop could hear me cussing and yelling; I'm so embarrassed. I come home and stay mad for a bit then I start crying. I cried for about 2 hours, and now I'm just flat out depressed. I know my husband is getting so tired of me and I'm afraid he's going to leave me.

I finally decided it was time to see someone. I just don't want others having to deal with me anymore, it's no way to live having to fear coming home to someone like me. Please tell me I'll get better

[cubmanben]

I have a couple of thoughts for you. First off, I'm glad to hear that you've decided to get help. You mentioned that nobody should have to fear coming home to someone like you... well you are included in that, not just your husband. I'm sorry to hear about your bad day and getting stranded is something that lots of people are worried about, so being depressed or anxious or any of those things are perfectly normal even for folks not battling mental health issues so I hope you don't beat yourself up too much over that one.
Now, as for telling you that you'll get better, you will get as well as you're willing to get. For me, medication has helped me tremendously by calming down my anxiety and the depression that came along with it and has helped me get my head back on straight so I could focus not on the anxiety but on recovery. You are fortunate to have a family, which will give you something to fight for. that can be difficult for people, but just remember how much you love your family while you're going through this battle and I can assure you that you will get through it. I've been taking a combination of Lexapro and Seroquel for the past month and both my mom and my mother-in-law have both remarked how much happer I seem and how much more relaxed my family seems. When you're on edge and when you're afraid of what's going on inside of you it often manifests itself as anger. Anger is a secondary emotion to fear, anxiousness, sadness and a host of other things, so it's not surprising that you're short with people. I was the same way with my family far too often.
There is most definitely help out there for you. Find a good counselor whom you can bond with, that's the essential first step. If you do or do not decide to try out some medication ultimately there is no magic wand that's going to make it go away. I can tell you that any effort you put in is rewarded in the long run. Your relationships take off to new heights. You will care more about the things that matter most to you and it's truly an awesome experience when you get to the top of the hill that you'll be climbing. Trust me, you can get there and the view from the top is awesome! Good luck!!

[tmicrowave]

Hi thanks for sharing
the first thing i thought of when i read your post was just the fact that it seems like such a blessing every time i hear someone has kids. having a family just seems like the most sweetest thing in the world to me! i'm sorry things are getting hard. i think alot of times in my experience if i'm being angry its really just me avoiding quite a bit of pain. and nobody wants to feel pain. i think its necessary sometimes to feel things you've been bottling up. and yeah of course you can get better. i have went from severe panic attacks and health anxiety,, i couldnt leave my house for weeks and i was convinced i was going to die, i couldnt hardly talk to anyone. now i can go places, see people. and i am not on any medication. do things for yourself to love yourself. eat healthy, exercise always helps. even if it just sounds kind of cleche those are the best things for a person and uhm. i take fish oil suppliments (omega 3) and vitamin D those are good. theres a website www.mitamins.com where you can find different combinations of natural suppliments for all sorts of problems!