FEAR of Growing old & not being pretty anymore

[nicki4nyc]

Today I'm getting freaked about my approaching 35th birthday in November, although everyone tells me I look like a teenager and student... and how pretty I am I think my days are numbered!!!  I'm terrified of finding a gray hair or lines in my face, age spots etc...  I look my 14 year old daughter's big sister and I don't know how long this will last!  I love the way I look but I'm so so so scared that its all about to end.  My mom is beautiful but she doesn't keep herself up like I would if I looked like her and was her age.  She is like 54 or something and she is very pretty just extremely modest.  I just keep trying to think about like mother like daughter and convince myself I won't get ugly.  I'm so so so scared.  I don't think I could live if I find a gray hair or some major sign of aging.  I know I don't have much time left, I can't shake this feeling that my days are numbered.  Please help me out of this!

[apple]

I used to have the same fears...Sometimes I get very discouraged.  You know what you see in the mirror is not what others see.

You are going to age...that is a fact of life.  There are haircolors to cover greys, and creams to soften lines...But I want you to know that some people go so overboard they make themselves look fake.  And I dont think that is pretty.

I think lines tell stories.  I think people whose lines and wrinkles turn up you can see they are happy people and its permanately there.  And that is beautiful.

I am gonna be 32 soon and I also hold the youth look as well. and I will lose it I know.The thing is you probably still FEEL like your in your early twenties!  The thing you need to do now is find beauty in the age.  No longer the hottie of 18, but the elegance and grace of 30 or 40.

Grey hair and wrinkles does not mean your days are numbered.  Many people start early and still live till 80 or 90.  Most people start getting greys in their twenties and slowly get more as time goes on.

Its a matter of perseption.  You gotta believe that beauty is in all people of all ages.

[nicki4nyc]

Thanks Apple, your words are wise, but I'm thinking you're lucky you are only going on 32, once one is 35 or older they are like more monitored for all these health issues.  I look and feel young and my age is contradicting that.  I wish I was like those fairy tales where the person remains young while their portrait grows old only.  It'll pass... I have to enjoy the time I have now.  Try to forget the age I am and pretend that I'm going on 25! 

[jerseygirl]

I have to say, nicki, the only story I know where that happens is "The Picture of Dorian Gray," and believe me he doesn't get a fairy tale ending...

But seriously, no matter how old someone is now, we are all going to confront growing old. The only comforting thing I can say to you is that people are living longer now than they ever have before, and there are more ways of keeping yourself young than there ever were before either. Hopefully, even more medical advances will be around by the time you're elderly. I have cousins in their late 30s who still look very young and attractive, so I think you may go several years before starting to notice the effects of age.

[pinky5]

nicki4nyc,

If you only enjoy life and are happy when you look like you are in your twenties, you are only going to enjoy a small part of your life. It's hard enough to enjoy life when you are prone to anxiety.  I'm 38 and got my first grey hair about 10 years ago after a bad breakup. My friend Sheri and I were sitting around talking and all of a sudden she yelled "Rachel, you have a grey hair!!" Not too impressed, but I did survive. I think Sheri was more upset about it than me because she is 3 years younger and probably saw her future of grey hair looking back at her.

In a lot of other countries women are considered beautiful and sexy much later in life. Try to tell a 45 or 50 year old French women that she isn't beautiful or sexy because she has some wrinkles and grey hair and she would probably just laugh in your face and consider you ignorant. In North America we have this belief that as women we look our best at 20 or 25 or even 18. I think when you are young you are like a pretty blank canvas, and as you age your wisdom and experience and personality adds to you looks. Worth a few wrinkles, I think.

Rachel

[lemongirl]

Hey, I'm fourty one and think I look good...I think the secret is to exercise, sleep enough, and keep a young attitude.  Also, I think staying on top of the trends is good but remember that the trends for me in my early 40's are different than the trends of an 18 year old.  Way different!
If you look younger than you are now, I'm sure it will always be that way.  My mom always looked younger than she was (and still does).  She is 67 and I think looks great and classy.

For me I just regret all those young years that I wasted feeling fat and unattractive...I wish I had worn a two piece bathing suit more often.  I had a miserable body image and when I look at old photos I wonder what the heck I had a problem with. 

lemongirl

[pinky5]

lemongirl,

You're so right about keeping up on the trends, but in a different way than if you're 18. I heard something that I thought was hilarious about trends a few years ago. "If you're old enough to remember the trend the first time around, you might want to skip it the second or third time." Or at least modify it a bit. I was at a bridal shower 3 or 4 years ago and one of the women's daughters had on one of those super wide low slung belts and I had a total flashback to my sister wearing a pink one with white leggings in 1985. Good for a little giggle to myself as I thought about my sister who now works in London, England trying to recapture that look and being taken seriously at work.

Rachel

[lemongirl]

I noticed that leggings are actually coming back in...don't think I'll be going there.  I had another thought about growing old...I was watchiing Grumpy Old Men on TV and Anne Margaret was in it and she is an inspiration that a woman can look good and feel good at any age.  Its all in the atttitude.

I know that fear sometimes knocks out attitude but maybe thinking about good looking older role models may help.

LG

[Emily]

I'm 26 and a little freaked about looking older. I got offended one time when a checker didn't ask for my id in the grocery market. But there are times when I'm asked my age and the person thinks I am younger. I think it's all about the trends, the way you wear your make up, your hair style can take years off, EXERCISE, and start using those creams asap! Women have it much better than men do as far as masking. The most upsetting thing about aging is how your body starts crapping out