ground hog day

[nicknacks]

My name is Katie and Im 21 live in Scotland. For three years I have suffered from panic attacks, depression compulsive dissorder the lot. It has effected my life, mind and body. It all started when my mum was murdered when I was eighteen it was pritty bad and was left with this. Child hood was terrible inhumane sorry about spelling but I have dealt with it and even though my family were a mess it was my messy family and would not change it for the world. Im like every one here Im sick fed up of it living like this. Always on edge never being able to relax in my own skin. I have been in and out of counselors chairs since the age of sixteen. I have been involved in petal and victim supprt groups but sometimes there nothing more to say. Im on medication beatter blockers and diazpam. I have a group of panic attacks every day. Im not scared of them now. I used to be and I had more. I have booked myself into another lot of councilling as my conclusion is that if Im going to go down Im going down with a fight. So I have been reading all the books and what not. Like your not depressed your thirsty. This doctor believes you can solve most anxiety depression with drinking lots of water. Im going to try this. Your diet is important to, alcohol and drugs. Exercise meditation but if you half baked on diazpam this should be a challenge so I think I may go cold turkey with thos tablets. Im not on a lot so ill not go into a fit. There are so many books its unbelieveable. But in one book I read there is no pecfic defenision of depression any were as depression etc is diffrent for every individual. Im one of thos people who hates to admit this illness and often go to the doctors get there and say every thing is fine as there is a lot of stigme attached to this or these illnesses. I dont know what Im scared of or what the future holds but I have hope. Im at the bottom and I dont think I can go any lower. My beliefs I will not 0473. But Ill be honest I have thought about it. The purpose of this message title is every day is the same for me a round of shaking dry mouth mental distress taking tablets and trying to get to sleep ohh and the pounding heart. Fighting for your life every day. I dont think we are weak and I dont think we are crippled in anway although sometimes it feels like that. Cause every day we get up to face the world we choose to live another day. Even though it an be a pain in the arse. I think we are all brave and we are the strongest of people cause every day we know we will go though this yet we have hope and choose to live. We are soldiers. God that sounded a bit cheesie. But Im behind the screen no one can see me.