New here..... obsessed with schizophrenia.. HELP!!

[1scaredmommy]

I have major OCD about the fear I have schizophrenia. I have been told by a psychologist I do not have it and I do not even have the pre-signs of it but I just know I am going to get it. I just have bizarre thoughts, like a schizo would have, but I know they make no sense and can understand that. I just fear I will wake up one day and believe these things. I also have some weird visions things going on... I swear I see things out of the corner of my eye, but nothing is there. I am worried these could be visual hallucinations. I also woke up the past two mornings and swear I heard someone say yes and hey. Sounded like my own voice... What is going on? Is this truely anxiety and depression like the dr said... or am I right? I fear this disease so much. It would ruin my whole life.

[wannabfree]

Hi, first, welcome to the forum. I'm not an expert, but I've think I've experienced nearly every fear someone with anxiety would fear, and have also experienced almost every sensation of anxiety, so that being said, I too recall a time when I was quite fearful I had schizophrenia, because basically I was extremely extremely anxious, had racing thoughts and was constantly nervous and would obsess and focus on these sensations and thoughts. I just assumed it had to be schizophrenia, it made "sense" to me that it had to be schizophrenia, even though I read that most people with schizophrenia don't ever suspect there is something wrong with them. As, for your thoughts and weird visions, these could be because you are obsessing about these things and are becoming hypersensitive and aware of all your thoughts and things around you. You may have woken from a dream and heard "your" voice, who knows. It's not schizophrenia, it's anxiety.

This is anxiety, and like anxiety, it's making you doubt yourself and your doctors. If you had schizophrenia, you would never have even thought you were hearing things. Hearing things not there and voices wouldn't seem alarming to you. The fact that you question it and are questioning it means you don't have schizophrenia.

I hope that by joining this community, you get some of the answers you need.

[ocdengineer]

Just the fact that you think your thoughts are bizarre disqualifies you from being schizophrenic.  If you were truly schizophrenic or psychotic the thoughts you are having would seem quite normal, in fact you wouldn't even recognize them at all.  I had a best friend who is schizophrenic and he lost his mind while living in an apartment with me.  It was truly awakening seeing the difference.  I had the same fear as you and still do some times, but after seeing someone with true schizophrenia, I can easily come to grips with my anxiety.  First of all, as I stated before, people with schizophrenia are unaware of their psychotic episode and the only people who would notice would be friends and family.  Most people don't slowly slip into psychosis, it is more of a break than a slow process.  For my friend it took all of about a week.  It is also more prevalent with people in their late teens and early twenties to have their first break.  Unfortunately, that is also around the time most anxiety disorders appear as well.  It can be a bit scary.  However, anxiety disorders and psychosis are a world of difference.  Seeing things out of the corner of your eyes is not a hallucination.  Dancing with the seven dwarfs is a hallucination.  Seeing a giant golden cross in the sky is a hallucination.  Seeing snakes attack you that aren't there is a hallucination.  These are things I witnessed my friend go through.

On the other hand.  OCD is obsessions and sometimes compulsions.  I didn't realize that there was a type of OCD called Pure O where one would simply have obsessions.  So, being obsessive as I am, I concluded, not unlike you that I was nuts.  Upon further review I realized that I was just obsessing and the random horrible thoughts were just manifestations of an anxiety disorder.  Good news for everyone.  In my opinion, if your doctor didn't think you were crazy, then you aren't.  The difference is really night and day.

Take care,
OE

[1scaredmommy]

Thanks for all the reassuring comments! Somedays this fear becomes so overwhelming I just want to scream and hide. I am on Lexapro and Ativan to keep me "normal". I just wish the Lexapro would fully kick in so I can kick these crazy thoughts. I just want to be normal again!

[ocdengineer]

You should do a little reading on OCD.  I think you'll find most med won't do much for you when it comes to the intrusive thoughts.  The meds may help with the anxiety, but not the intrusive thoughts.  That can be handled through CBT or meditation, and sometimes just training your mind to think in other ways.  Check out my blog, there may be some useful info there for you.

Take care,
OE

[brazilgirl21]

Ugh! I fear that everyday! Even reading about someone's friend having it and that this disease does exist freaks me out. I know I've been fearing it for 6 years now and like you said, a break occurs in 1 day but it's SO hard to rationalize it!!! I feel like ok, maybe this week I will become schizo. Ugh, seriously, I hate it this fear!!!!

[looking4help]

we will never be normal we can only gain the coping skills to not be affected by the bugs in our brains. just have to accept that we have a chemical imbalance and learn how to say that thought is my ocd and let it go but its really difficult.