Probably not dying, but...

[Owl]

So I have made several posts over the last week and a half, as I've been going through literally the hardest time in my life regarding anxiety and HA. Today I went to a second doc to get another opinion on the knot I found on my rib about 2 weeks ago. She was much more thorough than the last doc, and poked and prodded and asked more questions. She actually listened to me, which was relieving, because I felt like the last doc didn't. And she read about my (rather extensive) history with anxiety, so she focused mainly on that.

She ordered a rib series x-ray, and looked over it with me, and said that everything looks normal, and that if there was any cancer, 99% of the time it would be found in an x-ray (2 x-rays, rather...). But she has obviously dealt with anxiety patients before, because she said "that 1% chance that something horrible slipped past the x-rays is a lot for someone with anxiety problems to live with". She said that she saw no reason at all to order any more tests, like a CT scan or something, but that if I wanted it, she'd order it...I wanted one, but I didn't ask for one because I felt guilty using up resources that could be put to better use. I didn't say that, obviously. She prescribed some anti-anxiety meds (I've never taken anti-anxiety meds, and I've never liked anything like Zoloft, but what the hell). She said to come back in 3 weeks or so, or call her if the anxiety is to much to bear and I need a bone scan or something to ease my mind.

So. The rational part of me says that the chances of my having a very rare disease (just slightly more common than ALS, which seems to be a standard of measurement for hypochondriacs) are now much more slight. But that irrational part of me still wont leave me alone. I keep thinking I could be that 1 in a million that passes all their tests, but still has some horrible disease...we all believe that here, though, don't we...

I also am meeting my new therapist tomorrow. I've had bad luck with therapists. They always say 'take a deep breath', or 'imagine your at the beach', or something like that...well, 0534, thanks, that degree sure did pay off, didn't it? My dog has given me that advice before. And I highly doubt my dog has any legitimate credentials.

But I feel better...I'm not freaking out like I was. The fear is still there, but it's in the back of my mind rather than the focus of my mind...hopefully it'll stay like that over the next few weeks, until I can go back to the doc for further reassurance...


~Connor

[sunshine73]

Try to hang in there. The good news is that you have a doctor who seems to be both understanding of your anxiety and willing to work with you on it instead of just dismissing your concerns. You now know that if things get to be too much to bear, you can have the additional testing done but KUDOS to you for being able to listen to your doctor and her opinion and NOT rushing out to have the tests. That's an amazing step. Hopefully the anti-anxiety meds will help you through the next few weeks until you see her again.