College... I'm leaving next week.

[shirl06]

I'm having a really hard time coping with leaving for school. I'm from North Carolina, and am moving up to New England for my first year of college. I've always had issues with anxiety, but lately it's been unbearable. I stress about everything... not being good enough, being a disappointing roommate, not being thin enough, not being talented enough, not being smart enough, not being able to do well in my classes, not being pretty enough (i let myself be convinced to dye my hair brown and now I freak out every time I think about it), about not having the right clothing (lately I've felt like there isn't anything really remarkable about me... I'm not smart enough, talented enough, or beautiful enough to coast on that alone... So I feel like I need to express myself through the clothing that I wear, because I know that I can do that well. The trouble is that my parents aren't planning on buying that many new things for me, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that.) I know that I'm really getting on my family's nerves... my mom told me that I was psychotic today. I was planning on buying new underwear from VS, and they had this good offer out... $75 off a $250 purchase. I was planning on buying about 45 pairs of underwear, with my own money that I made working this summer. My mom freaked out and told me that if I bought them, she wasn't taking me to school. I explained some of my reasons for wanting new underwear (in addition to just wanting pretty underwear, I also wanted to get them because I know that there is going to be a much greater chance for people to be looking through my underwear drawer. I don't think that this is a crazy suspicion... I will have a roommate, and her friends will be in the room, etc.) My mom told me that if I thought that people were going to look in my underwear drawer, then I was psychotic. She started freaking out, telling me that if I was going to fail at school, then why don't I just stay home and go to community college.

Ok, I know that I'm very stressed (I think that this new drug that I've been on for the last several months may be the problem... wellbutrin xl. I don't really think that I need to be on anti-depressents... I think that I should really be on anti-anxiety meds.) Any encouraging words? What should I do to cut the stress before I have to face the "real world?"

[goawayanxiety]

Wow! You really are stressing!! First of all, you are GOOD ENOUGH, I'm sure you are smart enough, (you made it to college, right?) you will be a fine roommate,  you will be fine.  You do need to try to relax. 
Years ago, a therapist told me I was NOT to continue thinking anything that started with "What If".  If the thought started with "What If" i had to immediately not continue with the thought.
So for you maybe if you started your thought with "what if" i'm not good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough and then just STOP. Stop the thought.
Really when you think about it, what makes you the EXPERT on BELIEVING you are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough?  Think about it for a minute.  They are just IRRATIONAL worries that you are having.
About your medication, I know some people have to try a few medications before they find one that works for them.  Possibly you can try others, but I don't know if it's wise to change meds right before you leave for college.  Sometimes, you have to be weaned off a medication before starting another.  And then sometimes some meds take 3 or 4 weeks before they kick in and start working for you.
YOU WILL BE FINE!! You are young, and smart, and care about what others think about you.  That in itself makes you a pretty person on the inside.
How about some relaxation breathing to calm yourself down.  Try anything.  Buy a book on relaxation exercises.  Anything that makes you feel better.
Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are making outl
RELAXXXXX!