I am a recovering alcoholic with GAD and need advice on meds

[dramaqueen]

Thanks in advance to whoever reads this!

I am a brand new member on this forum (just joined today) and right now I'm a real mess.  I have been struggling with anxiety for years now - it comes and goes and now I am having another episode.  My anxiety and obsessive thoughts kicked in full force on x-mas eve day.  I am keyed up on the inside and am in a constant state of dread and worry and feel as if my nerves are humming.  I feel short of breath and have a pit in my stomach and gut almost all of the time and the more I try to breathe deeply and relax the worse I feel.  I am holding tension in my chest and abdomen and sometime I can relax for a minute or two but most of the time I feel like this.  The act of breathing and obsessing about the shortness of breath strains the muscles in my chest and back and I feel depressed, hopeless and terrible.  I also have incredible waves of dread and am terrified that I am going to die, I have obsessive thoughts of my impending death.  Every chest pain makes me freak and think i'm having a heart attack and with CONSIDERABLE work and self talk I am able to talk myself out of the "I am going to die" thought.

I had a good night's sleep last night and when I woke up I began to cry.  The only time I feel good is when I sleep because that's the only time I can escape my physical symptoms and my crazy, racing, obsessive thoughts.  My husband doesn't know what to do or say to me and now he's getting "sympathetic" diarrhea as a result of seeing so me so upset!!

I feel like I am losing my mind and I'm really, reallly scared of going completely crazy.  Does anyone else get these symptoms?  I have been off work for a week (for x-mas vacation) but I'm getting anticipatory anxiety about going back on Monday - what if I lose control at work or what if I get so anxious I have to leave there? 

I am starting to cry even as I am writing this and I am hoping this forum will give me some hope and relief.  I was on Zoloft for 10 years and it helped immensely but then I went off of it cold turkey about 4 years ago.  Didn't have any withdrawal symptoms and have been fine for about 3 or 4 years with just minor flare ups. Now I feel like I am back in hell.

I have an appointment with my GP in a couple of weeks and if I don't feel better before then I'm going to talk with her about meds.  I wanted to ask people what meds they are taking and how well the meds have worked for them.  Meds are a bit more complicated for me because I'm also a recovering alcoholic (I've been sober nearly five years now literally through the grace of god).  I have heard that alcoholics and addicts shouldn't take benzos like Valium or Xanax because they can cause dependence.  But when I am in the worst part of an anxiety attack I think to myself I would give anything to just pop a big old Valium...or maybe pop 6 or 7...LOL 

Anyway, I apologize, this has been kind of a ramble but the post is a reflection of my crazy mind right now.  If people could share their experiences with anxiety meds, both past and present, it would really help me make an informed decision.  I trust fellow sufferers a lot more than doctors, friends, or armchair psychologists. :)

Thank you!!!!

[sarah78]

Hey Dramaqueen,

I know how you feel, except I do not think I am dying. I have just developed a bad breathing habit out of this anxiety and I am working at fixing it. I still do not know
if the anxiety is causing the breathing or I am out of fear of trying to control my breathing lol...its all soo stupid and irrational, but I know in time it should be better!! ( I am praying it will be)

I also have had a problem with alcohol in the past (abuse) and CANNOT take benzo's as they make me irritable and very aggressive..my psychiatrist said they mimic alcohol and can lead to dependence. I have a prescription for zoloft but I am doing my best to beat this naturally for now...I am giving myself another month and then if I feel I have made no progress I will try zoloft, I have heard that it works great!!

All the best and God Bless,

Sarah

[dramaqueen]

Hi Sarah -

Thanx so much for responding.  I was on Zoloft several years ago - I took it for about 10 years for symptoms similar to those I am having now and it helped a lot.  I didn't know what else to do at the time.  I am going to see the doc soon for a med consult but I'm looking into other things to try before going back on another SSRI.  It seems to me like so much of my problem with anxiety comes from my own thinking processes and if I can just retrain my way of thinking things should get better. It is just so scary though when the anxiety overwhelms me to try and think positively when I feel overcome with feelings of alarm and dread.  Ugh!

From what I read, handling an anxiety disorder is a work in progress and some times are better than others.  Good luck with yours and I hope you can get things under control, at least for today!

[laa43]

 

I am keyed up on the inside and am in a constant state of dread and worry and feel as if my nerves are humming.  I feel short of breath and have a pit in my stomach and gut almost all of the time and the more I try to breathe deeply and relax the worse I feel.  I am holding tension in my chest and abdomen and sometime I can relax for a minute or two but most of the time I feel like this.  The act of breathing and obsessing about the shortness of breath strains the muscles in my chest and back and I feel depressed, hopeless and terrible.  I also have incredible waves of dread and am terrified that I am going to die, I have obsessive thoughts of my impending death.  Every chest pain makes me freak and think i'm having a heart attack

You just described my feelings exactly when I am having severe anxiety or panic. I know exactly how you feel. Mine started back up in Dec of last year and I had these symptoms every day for 24 hours a day. It was so bad I had to get back on meds as it was starting to interfere with everyday life i.e. job etc. I had to do the meds again so I could get back to some state of normalcy so I could start therapy and work on it from that aspect. I have been off and on meds three times in the last 15 years and each time they worked wonderfully for me. They were a lifesaver. My first was zoloft too and was on it for about 1 1/2 years. Now I'm on lexapro and so far so good. I'm in therapy now and am starting to take some natural remedies so hopefully one day I can try to be without meds once again.  Oh and by the way....CONGRATS on being sober for 5 years!!! I've never had an addiction myself however I have the GREATEST admiration for those who can fight that addiction head on! You're a strong person for that! Let us know how your doc visit goes! Take care!

[dramaqueen]

Hi laa43 -

Many thanks for responding to my post.  I am so sorry to hear you have gone through the same thing but I hope you don't mind if I am comforted by the fact that someone else goes through what I go through.  It is the worst feeling in the world to feel you are alone in your problems and just out there dangling by yourself feeling on the brink of insanity!  X-mas day I had extreme anxiety all day and finally broke down sobbing. Sometimes a good cry is cathartic even though it makes it even harder to breathe LOL. Today thank God is better but my health anxiety is really flaring.  I just had an episode in WalMart where I was convinced I was just going to pass out or drop dead and go into defib.  God I am so crazy.

It's not easy being sober, but I have to say it's a lot easier to stay away from booze than it is to control my anxiety and intrusive thoughts!  thanks for telling me about your meds - I have been considering Lexapro because a lot of people have posted good things about it.  In a way I feel guilty at the prospect of going back on meds again because I feel I should be able to handle this but that is just my enormous EGO talking.  If I keep getting the symptoms again and they worsen I will go on something, I don't believe in unnecessary suffering.  Plus, if I'm in that bad of shape with the anxiety it's really hard to think, concentrate, get benefits of psychotherapy etc.  We'll see how bad i am on Monday morning when i go back to work (I have been off on vacation leave for the last week).  I haven't been back to work since my anxiety episode started over x-mas and hope I can keep the anxiety under control.  So much fun...

All the best to you,
Drama Queen

[AnxiouSteve]

It seems that most people who abuse benzos do so simply to prevent withdrawal effects, rather than because they find the intoxication rewarding.  However, former alcoholics seem to be an exception.  It's estimated that almost 1/4 of former alcoholics abuse benzos.

I've never taken it, but an alternative you may want to ask your doctor about is Buspar.  While many people complain that it doesn't work very well on its own, it is said to have anxiolytic (anti-anxiety) effects comparable to Valium, a low side effect profile, and no "no known potential for abuse, psychological or physical dependence" according to the Wikipedia article.