really hope you can help

[yes_mee_na]

Hi , I'd like to tell you of a problem I've had for the last year now , hoping you can tell me how to banish it. It's really affecting my life in many negative ways like ; feeling very uneasy around strangers & being unable to enjoy my time among friends like before . Especially that I had always been an outgoing social person before this.
 
I pray that I'm not misunderstood ....... It all began when I was watching an Anatomy video during a course I was taking ( I am a physician ), and the topic was about the male organ . It was too descriptive & illustrated beyond anything I had ever been exposed too . Unluckily , a male colleague came up from behid me in the middle of it , wanting to ask me a question . Instead of looking to his face , my gaze involuntarily got directed to his organ !! You could imagine the utter suprise/horror on his face . He actually paniced & took a step back!! Anyway , this caused me great embarrassment & distress . Further more created a vicious cycle that I have been unable to break for 13 months now !!
 
Everytime I think of talking to a guy , I'm so fixated on the thought that " I will not look at his organ " that that is immediately the 1st thing my eyes fall upon . Of course it has created alot of embarrassment on both sides of any conversation . It had even extended to female breasts !! You can imagine the weird looks I got & unease I create with anyone talking to me . I have tried everything from praying to talking to myself to fixating my gaze away from the person & I end up looking as if I'm talking to the person's shadow !!!! Now , I'm at a point where I avoid talking to people all together unless I really have to & even so , keep it very short . Ofcourse , during work , I manage to seem busy while talking to a patient or discussing a problem with a colleague , so that I don't have to hold a steady gaze , but it's badly affecting my doctor-patient relationship & creating bad morale among my colleagues , all who interpret my action as that I don't care enough to establish eye-contact & give them more of my attention.
 
Lately , I managed to go from gazing at people's organs to just looking momentarily into their eyes then looking away , then back at their eyes then away again . And I carry this on through the whole conversation so that I don't have to hold a gaze in fear it might wander down to unwelcomed areas !
 
I'm really suffering from this & hope you can tell me of a way to break the cycle . It would really put a smile back on my face & have me among people enjoying myself like I once-upon-a time did .Thanks.
 
PS ; I had got married recently ( a prearranged marriage ) & thought that this might help relieve any sexual tension that may have been causing this . ( I was a virgin till 25 yrs because as you might've guessed , I come from a very conservative culture ). Anyway , it didn't help at all . The problem still persists .

[Quantum]

You may have tried this already, but just look at it.  Pull out some anatomy books and porn; take an art class and draw the nude models.  I say look as much as you can until it gets old.  Maybe after getting bored with it, you won't have the desire to stare.  That, or you may have some underlying anxiety disorder.
This is just my opinion.

[yes_mee_na]

I appreciate your feedback Quantum . Nice to know I wasn't regarded as a FREAK !! Just knowing that helped and  I'll definitely consider your advice . Thanks .

[rara]

Hey. So this falls under the category of SAD? Sound like OCD to me, unless i am over estimating the problem.
   Would it help if i tolled you i used to have the same problem. One of my oc-thoughts. I do not remember how the problem occurred, probobly the same way as whit all of the other thoughts, either I was subjected to it or I thought of it during my periods of obsessivly thinking of things that could become new oc-thoughts.
I spent years looking for a person resembeling me whit this problem which was not very easy since i never tolled anynone but my psychologist and my pshyciatrist.
      What helped for me was the pill, zoloft which i am currently on. Not "just looking at it" or endurence or any of the other things i tried and I still do not know where the ocd came from or why it began, all of which has lead me to believe that if self-examination works, the symptons are psychological, but if not, they might be neurological.
       Did the methood mentioned by the above person help?
       But at the same time, I`ve had ocd as far as I can remember. It would be weird for that kind of brain-activity to suddenly manifest itself in the adult-years, or would it?
     I am not saying that you should be satisfied with self-examination alone though. Seek help, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
    As my final words, I just want to say that what made me recognize myself in you especially was the paranoia. I don’t know if this applies to you, but I used to think that I could tell what people were thinking and so they could tell what I was thinking.
     I really, really don’t think the man or the women ever noticed. I think it was you that paniced.
Do not try to attend to an appearnce-problem that does not exist as you would only be acknowledging it.

Ps. I am not an english-native hence the mispells.ds. 

[rara]

Ow, and I just want to say that telling others did not proof to be so effectfull for me. I do not think that it matters if the issue is ocd.

[RainStopper]

   Hello, I just wanted to let you know that you are not crazy, or a freak of nature. And I know the discomfort that you feel, and that sometimes you want to run away and not be around anybody, at least thats me 

   I just realized today that I have to go see somebody for this, we can't do this by ourselves, for professional assistance. This is something that hinders your life, and life was not mean to Be lived like this.
   Take care, and I hope you take my advice to go talk to somebody, don't be as hard headed as I was! :-\

[darkerqt1]

I just wanted to add that at one time I had a problem with staring at the same thing but for me it was male buttox and female breast. I was able to overome it through just will power. A posative mindset will prove very helpful in this situation.
If you don't think you can do it, but know you can. It will not be a problem. I think medical help is very understandable and I also believe that there are many people who go through the same thing in there lives to one extent or another.

i mean anxiety is something everyone goes through but some of us have to go through it more severely. This might be one of those things like anxiety where you go through it but it getts out of control so you need something to help you relax and get it back in control.

God bless.