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Author Topic: Grieving for a past relationship  (Read 1102 times)

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Offline tmicrowave

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Grieving for a past relationship
« on: November 16, 2008, 06:51:43 PM »
well i've been doing really bad since i broke up with my ex boyfriend. It was a really serious relationship and we lived together. And it's really hard letting go of the past but i just realized...

in order to get over it i have to come to terms with it
after this guy and me split up almost immediately, another person came into my life and i really had NO time to grieve or mourn the loss
it may sound silly saying mourn the loss
but sometimes having someone like that leave your life suddenly is just as devistating as a death
and it's been a whole year and i'm starting today
im going to take appropriate measures to grieve and come to terms with every feeling i have about the subject
i never even realized that surpressing it was causing like me probably HALF of this anxiety i have
i just wanted to move on
but nobody can tell you when its time to move on, and you can't either
i never took the time to cry about it all day or write about it
And i think if i do this stuff now im going to really get some of the closure that i really need
and telling it to you guys i just wanted to share it with you and..
if you are in a similar situation maybe think of it the way i am
and it could help you too

i love you all
jenna




Loss that goes unacknowledged or unattended can result in disability. But grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life.

normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants. While medication may alleviate some of the symptoms of grief, it cannot treat the cause, which is the loss itself.



i was also reading about grief VS trauma

Sadness is the dominant emotion.
 Terror is the dominant emotion.
 
Grief feels real.
 Trauma feels unreal.
 
Talking about grief can help.
 Talking about trauma is difficult or impossible.
 



hope this helps people
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Jenna


"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found." - Sufi aphorism


Offline NightOwl

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Re: Grieving for a past relationship
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2008, 11:52:34 PM »
I think it would be very very rare that getting a new bf or gf soon after a breakup with someone serious would end up going well at all.  I've had so many girls come to me asking advice after they break up and like some other guy or want the past guy back etc etc and I always am so frustrated that they don't see what a bad idea it usually is.  Usually if you get someone else that quick, it's not that they're right for you at all because the "right person" doesn't magically show up immediately after you just get through ending things with someone else you thought was the right person.

Anyway as far as getting over someone, I would know logically what to tell you would help, but logic never seems to work with getting over people.  I am STILL STILL STILL trying to come to terms with my breakup with an ONLINE girl from 4 years ago so I'm not exactly the best at following advice.  I always know the proper advice, but I don't follow it.  :)  She doesn't even want anything to do with me and I keep contacting her. Dumb.

Relationship advice is usually to just realize that every good thing you think about the person... you're just "idealizing" thigns and forgetting or minimizing anything that was not good.  (you as in most people, not you specifically).
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Offline tmicrowave

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Re: Grieving for a past relationship
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2008, 04:08:20 AM »
yeah i think moving on is just about acceptance that its over
taking the time to mourne the loss like as if it is an actual death or something
Experience your feelings of sadness and write em down and stuff
i just had to delete my *****! well worth it
slightly painful. haha

relationships will screw you up!! yes
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Jenna


"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found." - Sufi aphorism


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