Hi all, I'm new here and what a great site. I guess I have a question for everyone, but some personal history might be in order first. About 7 years ago I started recovering memories of childhood sexual abuse, although it was common knowledge in the area that abuse went on at the daycare I was at (there was a trial) I never had any recollection of it. Somehow, knowing it was likely that I was abused didn't make it any easier :) I suffered with depression and anxiety, and it started to get a little better. Then the terror attacks on 9/11 happened, and though I was not really near any of it, it set off my anxiety much worse then it was before. I went through a cocktail of meds for depression, anxiety, ocd, you name it, and none of it helped, actually I've always suspected it made it worse. After about 2 years, I started working again, and everything seemed to go back to "normal" (although the anxiety never really leaves...I've always described it like having a radio on in the background...when you're not thinking about it you tune it out, but its still there). But it felt great to not be obsessing about things I couldn't control. Then I lost my job, and about 2 weeks ago I had a bout with insomnia (couldn't get to sleep for anything) and had a panic attack...and just like that, its all back. Palms are constantly sweaty, nervous, "feeling of impending doom", shaky, all that good stuff. Brand new on my plate though is random muscle twitches, and monday I had another episode of insomnia, managed to catch a 20 minute nap (I could swear I was conscious the whole time, but my mother came in to ask me a question and says I didn't respond) and finally got to sleep about 5am on wed. Anyway, I guess my question is, does anyone here have problems with insomnia where you just cant seem to get to sleep, almost like your mind refuses to shut down, to the point where you're up for 2 days? Of course I wasn't in bed for 2 days straight, I could only lay there for about an hour before I got up and tried to occupy myself til I felt like trying again. In addition to that, when I shut my eyes the eye muscles start twitching like crazy, and thats never happened before either...I'm a little freaked out because in all my dealings with anxiety I've never before had real insomnia or facial spasms (and it only happens when I close my eyes which is even weirder..and its not just a little eye twitch, its like all the muscles in my eyelids and cheeks start twitching). It's so hard when you have anxiety problems to tell whats happening just because you're really anxious or what could be a real illness.
I should mention I think my biggest problem with getting to sleep is that I cant stop worrying that I wont be able to get to sleep. Sort of sounds silly when you say it.
