I'm new with some questions...

[jasonm]

Can GAD keep you from knowing what you want?  I'm in a relationship now for 3 year, I'm 29 and have never been married.  I want to propose to my girlfriend, I even have the ring, but the nagging doubt gets louder as the date to propose nears.  I can't distinguish if this is REAL doubt or doubt caused from pointless anxiety.  How can you distinguish?

My symptoms of GAD are far less then what they used to be, I can recognize the anxiety, anger and frustration as they come up, opposed to only realizing it after the fact.  This sense of control has helped some, but I just can't get a handle on day-to-day feelings.  Sometimes I love her to death, other times it's more of a "meh", I never don't love her though.  Then factor in that I have a hard time discussing "love" with people in person.  I try to stay very private in the real world, though on-line is a lot easier to talk.

I'm probably rambling at this point so I'll hold off until I get a response or question.  I just need help figuring out what to do but don't have the money (or guts I guess) to go to therapy.

[pinky5]

Hello Jason,

I think anxiety can get in the way of knowing what you want. As far as having doubts about proposing, are there things about your relationship that make you think maybe you don't want to marry this person or is it more of an anxious feeling not attached to any specific problem?

You said you don't have the money or guts to go to therapy. As far as the money goes a lot of therapists charge on your ability to pay and there are mental health centres that might provide free counselling. Psychologists charge more than therapists. I have been to both and didn't notice that there was any difference in the quality of counselling. It is a scary thing to go a therapist and open up to them, but probably one of the best things you could do especially if you have a major decision to make. There is something very helpfull about talking to someone who is totally opjective.

Rachel

[jasonm]

I think anxiety can get in the way of knowing what you want. As far as having doubts about proposing, are there things about your relationship that make you think maybe you don't want to marry this person or is it more of an anxious feeling not attached to any specific problem?

I have made excuses, like she doesn't pick up after herself enough, or she's put on 5 pounds, all CLEARLY excuses (especially since I have yet to even come close to perfection).  In many way's I'm almost more looking for an excuse TO marry her.  That comes out wrong, but while trying to find out if my feelings are normal I look online and everyone says you should "just know" and crap like that.  Well hell, the two times I "just new" I not only got dumped before even getting to that point, I realized later it never could have worked.  I had gone after relationships that a blind person could see wouldn't work.

There is something very helpfull about talking to someone who is totally opjective.

True, I could see that.  Oddly enough, it's not really that I couldn't get the money, but my worry over not having enough money to cover unforseen problems kinda gets in the way.  It would be easier if I knew ahead of time how many sessions I would need (which is impossible, I know) since they're $100 a pop in my area.  I tend to be a bit of a control freak about my self, like I should be able to fix it since it's my problem...  is there a book that actually teaches skills that work?

[apple]

Do you live with this girl?

Is your anxiety about her or is it about will it work?

I think, if you dont WANT to live life without her in it, you may be on to something.  You are right..nobody is perfect, but is she perfect for you?  I find that even when you get upset or angry with the right person...and you still never think about leavin, thats a good thing.

[jasonm]

Do you live with this girl?

Yes I do.

Is your anxiety about her or is it about will it work?

Well, it's more I think I don't feel the same for her as I have for others (you know, all the ones that either dumped me or I dumped after 6 months?  - yeah, I never said I made sense!).  Basically, with them there was more passion, with her, it's more relaxed?  because of medication her sex drive is non existent without alcohol so passion is pretty low and I think that hurts but it's not her fault.

I think, if you dont WANT to live life without her in it, you may be on to something.  You are right..nobody is perfect, but is she perfect for you?  I find that even when you get upset or angry with the right person...and you still never think about leavin, thats a good thing.

Hell, IM not perfect for me lol!  No, really my only compliants are superficial at best and I know it, but this damn feeling of what if?  it's fricking worry I can't get over.  That nagging feeling that with any other person not having anxiety you might say LISTEN TO IT!  But because of the anxiety, how do I know if I should trust it?  UGh!  lol

This is helping to talk about it, thanks!

[apple]

Sorry I've been gone for a week...my internet was down.


How are things going?

I just wanted to say that even tho you have anxiety...you need to have faith in yourself to make good decisions.  Anxiety only makes you overly causious.  Maybe you just need more time to get to the answer.

I find I'm not as lusting over my new husband as I have been in previous relationships...however I am more In love.  I value his friendship and companionship, I'm comfortableand safe, and I feel like I am his greatest treasure.

I believe you will figure it out. 

[jasonm]

I find I'm not as lusting over my new husband as I have been in previous relationships...however I am more In love.  I value his friendship and companionship, I'm comfortableand safe, and I feel like I am his greatest treasure.

That's how I feel too, which is particularly strange since I've never met your husband...

Wait, is this thing on?  ;)

Seriously, that's what's been a hold back.  "Love" is discribed basically how I've fealt lust was, and that'll get you no where!

I'm going to a doctor later this week for anti anxiety meds.  I'm not horrible normally, but lately it's been more then I can bare, probably because of the forthcoming proposal (Saturday). 

[apple]

So you are going too?!!

Please let me know how it goes

Good luck...and remember, you can have anxiety with positive really great things too...soo hold on

[jasonm]

I did, kinda!  lol

So I was nervous as hell most of the day and decided to solve my problems by 1) deciding I wasn't going to propose, instead I would give her the ring and come up with a lame way of saying it's more of a promise ring and 2) I slept for about 3 hours before going lout lol.

So, I give her the ring with the lame story and she says no, it's a proposal and so I said...  ok.  lol  Then I kinda told her what I've been going through and we set a date 2 years from now and I've fealt a hell of a lot better ever since.

I had bought the ring back in may so as I've been getting closer to this week, things have been worse and worse.  Well, thankfully I feel a lot better now, just have one last hurdle, telling my family.  Shoudn't be too bad though, I'm just normal nervous there lol.

[apple]

Wahoo!! It may not have been the way you imagined doing it but you got er done!!

Congrats  I just got married on the 5th and I'll tell ya..its stressful planning too.  But I had 4 months to do it, you got 2 years.

Best of luck with the family, I know you'll be nervous but it'll be just fine.

[jasonm]

Well, telling the family went better then I imagined and now, at least for me, all the hard stuff is out of the way for a while.  We're planning slow and steady which is what I need and we have the time for.  Thanks for the help!

[Emily]

Good luck Jason! Sometimes "Love" can ease anxiety. I hope this is the case for you