I would like to introduce myself and give a little of my story.
I am a 38 year old woman with an anxiety history that started with extreme panic attacks when I was about 4 after several stressfull situations including divorce and death in the family. My panic attacks subsided somewhat when I developed bulimia at 14. I now think the bulimia was just another way to cope with and manage the anxiety. After overcoming the bulimia in my late 20's I found that my social anxiety became worse. I have always been a bit of a loner but desire to be more social and comfortable around people. Last year I went back to school after avoiding that situation for almost 20 years and had a very hard time being there. I can do the work, but suffer daily with speaking up in class blushing etc. I seem to blush for just about every reason- fear, excitement, surprise, etc, so have decided to use the name pinky5 here. My sister also seems to blush easily and a lot so maybe there is some kind of family trait? All I know is it's really hard to try to look calm and collected when you are pink and or sweaty. I think for me social anxiety has a lot to do with shame and secrets. I grew up in a family with an alcoholic step father and a mother who was the queen of denial pretending everything was fine and what a happy family we were. We as kids were expected to keep up the front, and think that is very damaging to you when you are trying to develop as a person. It left me with the feeling that I wasn't good enough, so I'd better do my best to hide who I was. I find that what helps now is to be as truthfull as I can even if it makes my uncomfortable. Saying things like "Yes I'm blushing, I feel uncomfortable" and telling people things I don't want them to know about me seems to help. People surprise me by telling me they have similar experiences and it takes away the feelings of isolation that go with anxiety and depression.
